I must apologize for my lack of lines lately, I have no excuse.
It's probably just another poor choice on my part but there really hasn't
been much to tell you about.
Not much until now, that is.
In the couple weeks that have passed since my last blog entry, life has been
well enough and even wonderful at times.
Our Sons have settled into their school schedule, my Husband is offering
efforts of excellence at work and I am enjoying spending more time
with people that mean the most to me.
Early this morning my Husband woke me in his friendly familiar way as I laid still
and pretended to be sleeping, grumbling something about the early hour, I inched
out of the nest to answer nature's call.
A few moments later I returned to the welcome of it's warmth after deciding
that 5:30am was far to early for us to take on the day.
Sadly, when we woke for a second time and were ready to leave, our vehicle
had other plans and remains lifeless in the driveway.
A busy day we were to be into by now but everything waits on whether
or not the van will start.
I've put off writing a blog entry more than once in the last couple weeks so I
figured now might be just the right time to empty the think tank.
Earlier this week a dear close friend of mine stopped by for a visit and it was
wonderful to see her smiling face again.
She had been out to breakfast with some folks and decided to
come and see me all the way on the other side of town, when she was done.
That may not seem like much to some people but it means mountains
to me, especially when you consider the gas prices lately.
I feel so special when anyone makes an effort for me but when
I've been included in someones day off, like I was on Monday, it's extra special.
Thank you for always making an effort for me my friend, it never goes unnoticed.
Yesterday my plans were also tossed to the wind, I was to be helping
another friend at her house but major health problems prevented us
from getting the work done.
I decided to do a few things around here instead and started reading a
new book along with doing some online surfing.
While I was visiting a few favorite music sites and frolicking on facebook,
I started reading of a young lady that took her own life this week, then I saw
the video that was sparking all the cyber speaks about her.
Madness and miserable memories filled my mind and heart.
Of course I can't know why she made that very last choice to end her own life,
I can only imagine that her pain was just to great to carry on and that she felt completely hopeless.
Something I am sure many of you have felt, like I have.
As I sat staring at the screen my think tank traveled back to a time in
my life where I too was bullied and made to feel like nothing more than a failure in life.
Oh the utter ugliness of those years passed!, I can't tell you how happy it makes
me knowing that I don't have to live that twice.
Today I had a little chat with our oldest Son about the young lady I read
of and what his feelings were when he learned of her last choice.
He told me that it made him terribly sad and that he has also felt bullied many times.
I asked him what has stopped him from making that final choice?, he replied,
"Not to sound mean or anything Mom but I want to prove them all wrong".
Though it tugs at my blood pumper knowing he has felt such depths of despair,
I know it's part of growing up for most people and I'm proud that he has fight in
him to live on through those moments.
I shared with him something that I never have before.
Though it was uncomfortable, I told him about how I spent a few months in the
hospital when I was a bit younger than him because I tried to end my own life.
He didn't seem shocked by this news tidbit but didn't act as if he expected it either.
I praised him for not choosing the way I did in dealing with those ferocious feelings
and stated my pride over the person he is.
Suicide is a subject that remains close to my heart and often makes
it's way through the mind grounds.
Why does life get to heavy to handle for some, to the point where
only one choice can be seen?
I'm grateful and humbled to say that I certainly see more than one
option in my life now and pray that my enjoyment and desire for living it
continues on in the remainder of my days.
I'd be lying if I tried to sell you a speech about never feeling that sad anymore
so I won't bother, instead I'll type the truth and tell you that when I feel deflated,
damaged and not fit for this world, I reach out to others and always get what I
need in bringing me back to the good that surrounds me.
It's part of the reason why I get so much from giving of myself and
offering it to others.
My thoughts linger on about that young lady and many other people
who've made their very last choice in life.
My prayer here is much the same as with other social yet personal issues,
may we learn to be more helpful and less hurtful with each other.
What can make one person try harder and want to succeed in life can
just as easily damage and even destroy another one's desire to live on at all.
The words "Speak softly, forgive frequently and love largely" come to mind.
Well that's deep enough for me, I'm certain you feel the same way by now.
I'll leave these lines with a song that brings the above mentioned to mind.
It just seems fitting somehow.
As always, thank you for taking the time in your day to read what's on my mind.
May the one we're in be good in more ways than bad.
