Monday 18 February 2019

Back To School.....

Hello everyone! (waving)
I have quite a bit to share with you all today. Some glad, other things sad. I'll start with the sorrow. On February 16th 2016 my Mother ended up in a coma and on the 18th we had to say goodbye to her. I loathe thinking of it for the many ways it hurts my heart. Today is February 18th and in my head, her death and those choices I made....are haunting. No way am I going to spend this day crying and complaining though. That wouldn't be beneficial to anyone, especially myself. What I will do, is focus on, remember and share all the good of the woman (our Mother) we where gathered at the hospital for. My Mother was 100 million percent her own person, she owned her beliefs and the beauty she saw in others. She could hold an interesting and vicorous conversation with anyone. My Sis and I truly gained the gift of gab, from her. I miss her laugh and her "don't you tell me!" way. How many of us can truly say we own everything about ourselves?. I know I sure can't. Many times I act differently around others, like more reserved or less opinionated. Our Mother never ever did that! She was always in the only skin she ever wore and she was rightfully proud of it. She would weild her words in a woeful way, like we all have, yet could and would apologize when wrong. I do think my Sis and I also have that in us. Oh how I do admire so many things about her!. I miss when we went to lunch with her oldest Sister, out bowling, two hour long telephone chats. Most of all I miss when all of us were together. My eyes are leaking large now so I should move things along.

Today is also Family Day in my home and native land and I am very much looking forward to making a Mexican feast later!. We will be having homemade bacon wrapped jalapeƱo popper bread, tacos hard and soft along with some quesadas. Afterwards maybe a game of pool or darts with some of my loved ones!. However, in the back of my mind grounds, gloom looms as I think about the future. Tomorrow I start back to school after never going further than grade 8, more than thirty- five years ago. My Mother would be oh so proud!. I hope to do better than I did in my previous experience with the education system. I doubt that I will encounter the things that stopped me before but that isn't easing me any. I'm worried that I won't do well and will give up, as I have in the past. One thing I do know is, I want to graduate. That never was a goal I had in younger years. Life was my bull and I was going to ride it instead of reading about it!. Guess who need up riding who?, lol. I'm giving myself stern pep talks lately and I pray that I will be courageous enough to continue on if I fail.

Before I leave you all to this day, I would like to take a few minutes to tell you about a man, a neighbor, a very good role model in life. A man who I saw everyday of my childhood and not once did I witness him sad or really mad. For respect towards him and his family I won't name him. This man that I so looked up to, who to me was always ten feet tall, passed away last week after a long, giving, loving life. He was a super soul!. Family, community and always offering his assistance were at the core of his being. He was an educated man but humble about himself. Humour was always handed out by him and all of us Stop 26 kids know what I'm talking about. One of my favorite memories is when I would be invited to go out with his youngest Daughter, one of my best friends, to to the store or to visit her Meme or Grandmother. You see, my neighbors had this old red, huge station wagon that had seen better days but served the family swell for many years. They were a huge tree of nine and that old wagon sure held it's worth with the kids it transported. Anyway, back in the 70's safety standards weren't what they are today. This vehicle had not one but two huge holes in the floor behind both the drivers and passenger seats. Mr Neighbour simply placed loose cardboard over the holes and told us that had we tried to remove it to see the ground under the traveling car, we would most certainly be sucked into the vortex of air from the holes. We believed him and never dared to test his knowledge. Imagine that!, kids being afraid of things Adults say..lol. I so longed to be at his viewing yesterday or his upcoming funeral, later today. However I have been battling lung sickness of a serious kind, since the first week of December and don't want to make any others ill. I've managed to contaminate my family and a couple friends, I've done enough damage. On that evilness, I shall bid you all a very dandy day!. As always, thanks for reading what's in the mind grounds and I hope you are lucky enough to spend time with your families today.








Sunday 20 January 2019

The Greatest Gifts....

Hello again everyone!. Over a year since I last wrote here, how can that be?. Endless reasons why it happened but I'm just going to focus on the here and now. That has been something I have always struggled with but now I'm forced to do it daily, so for to save my sanity. Much has changed since I last graced this space. Where shall I begin?. I'll start with the title as that seems fitting. The greatest gifts, to me, are family, friends and The Big Guy's love. Those three things have kept me going, even though I frequently wanted to give up. I am able to once again blog because of the kindness and generosity of a very good friend. I won't name her because I haven't asked her permission. I will say that she has been a huge part of healing for me in the last year of my life. She is one of my biggest supporters and always speaks her mind and doesn't glaze anything, ever. Without speaking of the sourness that brought me to this point in my journey, I will let you all know that I am in my own place for the first time in my forty eight years of life. My Husband and I are living a part and I struggle with that but I'm grateful to have been given the opportunity and gifts handed to me. I'm always second guessing myself and never understand why others have the belief in me that I can't seem to see in my own self. However, I'm here and still trying so that is what matters, right?. To each and every one of you that have shown me kindness, I thank you!. Today has been a good day, actually, so have the last few and I am grateful for it!

Back to my family and friends.
I often wonder why no one ever gave up on me and why I refuse to give up on others, even when it sucks every ounce of my strength and sunshine. Do any of us realize the power we have in helping each other?. I think not. Otherwise, we would be doing more for others and less for ourselves. 2018 was a year of firsts for me. My first apartment, my first time doing things for myself and my first time being completely alone at Christmas!. Guess what?, I lived through it all!. I certainly didn't think I would. I have to tell you that crying alone when no one can hear you is way more dismal than doing it with others in the house. I'm glad I lived it though. Good, bad and even uncomfy experiences should not only be acknowledged but given their weight in worth. I understand that the three things I have given credit to, pave my way. Christmas alone was not enjoyable but necessary so others didn't get sick. I loathed being away from our Sons, my Sister and her family. Waaah was me but it most certainly wasn't the worst in life. Right now, where I live, snow and below temps surround us. I am not a fan. However, I am not homeless, hungry or cold. As far as I feel, those are some of the worst things in life that anyone can experience.

On that, I'll leave these lines and hope to have many more in the future. As always, thanks for reading what's been in my mind grounds and I hope you are all well and wonderful in this day.