Ripped A New One.....

Hello again everyone! (waving)

I hope you are doing dandy in this day. As for me, today hasn't been terrific. Boy could I spit sours about it right now but it wouldn't help me, you or the hobo in the hood....lol Instead I am going to focus on the fine in this day. I am able to be in the nest and not at work, I have accomplished to and from the bathroom, on my own and hopefully make a simple dinner of spaghetti and tomato juice for the three of us. Today was filled with sunshine and blue skies outside my bedroom window but that is the only way I could enjoy it....from my bed. Hmmmm, this may be tougher than I thought. My mind is always racing and I'm constantly trying to reel it in and rationalize every part. In 51 years, I've yet to succeed. So here I sit, same decision, different day. I'm feeling pretty determined so I'll type on. Thinking of all the great in this, the 14th day of May and one of my favourite, younger females is in my mind. My cousin's daughter. One of the kids I've watched for years but now I am not needed any longer and that's ok, life changes for us all, as do our needs. I am so happy for my cousin and for the said female. Life is more lovely for them in the last year and a half. You know what?, I'm grateful. For the years I had watching her for a few hours, over night or a week at a time while her dad was away. Oh the marvelous memories stored away and hopes she will retain the same. I will see her soon. There is a family gathering planned for the end of July, by her aunt and I will be there waiting to play in the pool with her. You see, this little lady is mermaildy like me! Today she turns eleven and though I've tried a few ways, I have yet to wish her a happy birthday and tell her how much I love and miss her. I'm certain she is having a dandy day! That is what matters most.

Well that was wonderful, so I'll continue on. A friend of mine had surgery this week and isn't doing well. She is someone I admire and adore. She is a mother, a wife and soon to be grandmother, she is indeed an all around warrior. What she deals with everyday since we met, I never could. My friend has MS and if only that could be her one hurdle in life, she also has two children, one 17 and one 19. The younger one is pregnant. Did I mention her husband was in an awful accident a few years ago and he is also in a wheelchair and not mobile? these folks DO, every day. Again, I am grateful. However, I am also feeling sorry for myself. Please go look elsewhere if you don't like it.....lol I have been spending most days in profuse pain, I work through it, some days better than others....nothing new there...lol  It has been the worst physical awful that I have ever endured, for months. It is literally a pain in my backside. I told you to look elsewhere.....lol Back in December 2021 I formed a thrombosed hemorrhoid. After a couple weeks of suffering I couldn't stand anymore and ended up in the emergency room. Four and a half hours I couldn't stand sitting, standing, walking, and crying. I figured I would fair better at home in bed so my husband came back and got me. Fast forward to the end of February and it finally was removed late in the month. That gave me some relief but not completely and not for long, at all....*sigh* Now here we are in May, a colonoscopy later and three more appointments with my surgeon, still suffering but at least I have been able to work. Currently I am on a pain medicine, three creams and watching what I eat with eagle eyes. Now I have a fissure, same pain but now internal, no fun at all! If you had never endured this pain, let me describe it for you. It feels like a sharp piece of glass or a single razor blade just stabbing all over in one area. That is honestly the best way I can explain it. I continue to focus on the many folks I love who sufferer more, daily and probably will for the rest of their lives.

So in the here and now.......I am just finishing this blog up, days after I intended to. What's that saying about the road to hell being paved with good intentions?...lol I am having a decent day and I did end up talking to that 11 year old I love.....on her birthday! Also, I went swimming with her the day after her birthday annnnd it was my first time in the water for this season. On Sunday my nephew turned 22 and found the time to take a few minutes and talk to his old aunt. He sounded well and wonderful in his life, he recently moved to Ottawa Ontario and loves the big city! He is a smart, social, kind and generous man, peacock proud I am of his efforts. With that said, I will say see you in cyberspace soon! I'm making hot roast beef sandwiches, mashed potatoes and corn, so off I go! As always, thanks for reading what's been in my mind grounds and I hope you enjoy the remainder of this day folks! 

Turtle Trot.....(started in April and finished in May)

Hello and I hope all eyes here are well!

What a dandious day it is here and I am currently making biscuits 

and gravy for our dinner. 

Last weekend our oldest son came home for Easter and one of his requests for me

was to make this meal. I failed then because I was sick with the flu all weekend.

He didn't give me any grief and as always, was empathetic and at the ready to 

offer his efforts for anything I needed. I'm so peacock proud of him! 

I can't type out terrific without offering praise to our youngest son. 

He has been off work almost completely since before Christmas. 

He works in the kitchen of a restaurant that harbours a marina, seasonal work.

The upside is he makes less money than I do but works six-seven days a week 

once the lovely weather winds up and the boats start being launched.

This year was the first time he filed income tax and that go go soul got a bigger

rebate than his old mom. Also for our youngest I am praying.

You see, in the last 3 years he has had an E-bike, battery for said bike 

and a motorized bicycle he built, stolen. all from different places. 

It still sends me sad and mad. He is a very hard worker outside of around 

here.....hahaha. I have strong say so's on the subject of stealing and 

simply said, it peeves me plenty! 

He went and spent his refund on a new E-bike for himself......(it worries me) 

I love seeing anyone happy but I'm sure all of you can relate, seeing our closest 

loved ones, happy.....is gravy in the boat of life!

Okay on to the tortoise of my title.....

Like everyone else, I struggle with stuff. 

The worst of it is always inside the think tank, the mind grounds. 

Often my mistakes are present in daily moments.

I think anyone who wants to improve does. 

Unfortunately, that's where the demons are. If any eyes here claim to have no 

closet monsters, I want to know if you're having a good time or a hard time?

We all have em. I wonder with every soul I meet, do you deal with em and how?

On April 13th 2022 the planet we are all playing on, lost the most 

awesomness angel. This soul was of the wonderful, that some never see. 

I feel honoured to have spent time with her, always laughter, mostly at herself.

However, that is one area I am proud to say, I could hold the ring with her and 

win wordly. Rah-Rah!

This is painful but well worth my wee effort. 

Her name is Chrissy. She was and I'm certain, will go on to be, an absolute angel. 

I could honestly go on for hours about everything she was.

The first close communication we had was after a social media post I made on the

state I was in, mentally. I'm going to whip through this because it wasn't all

wonderful. She reached out to me and truly gave my the kick in the backside 

I needed to start making different choices in my life.

One of my favourite memories of her came about while she was very sick 

and weak but on the mend and pushing herself, she looked smart and sharp in the 

outfit she wore. After all, she was both of those things.

I was dressed in bland yet comfy clothing. It kinda peeved her plenty. She started

to tell me how she wished she could walk around in public wearing pajamas

like many do these days. I asked why she didn't and she replied that she just 

couldn't bring herself to. I laughed at her saying that she should be comfy 

and not care about what she looked like. Then without hesitation and being 

dead serious, she said "I want you and anyone else to dress down and wear pajamas at my funeral!"

I laughed and said that even though I could wear pj's or a swimsuit anywhere, that

is the one place I couldn't. I sure did though and you know what? I didn't even give

one little lick as to what anyone there thought of me. It wasn't at the funeral though

because I had to work but instead for the visitation at the funeral home, I hope

she still counts it as me honouring her request. 

For more than 20 years she battled a couple different kinds of cancer and constant 

health heaps. she fought long, hard and always with love and laughter for others.

She did beat the cancer and was able to even start her own high end consignment 

shop that did well. Sadly she recently suffered from vertigo and took a fall. 

She broke her hip and from what I've been told, passed due to complications 

from that. 

How can it be that one soul fights for so long, so hard, all the time helping others, 

and be taken out by a broken hip at 51 years old? It enrages me!!! 

Any of you that know me personally, know that I am a firm believer in The Big Guy,

The Little Guy and The Ghost Guy and I never question them. 

However, questioning is all I have been able to do for almost a month now. 

It has got me nowhere. 

So for the 5th time I am trying to finish this entry and you mark 

my words here, damn I will!

 

Chrissy is my husbands first Cousin and she was only one month and 

seven days younger than myself. Seeing her closest loved ones at the funeral home was hard. 

Especially her husband of 30 years. He was nearly unrecognizable and it broke 

my blood pumper to see him in that state. 

The one thing I know from this loss is that we are here for to help 

each other, not to help ourselves. I know from my own life lessons that when I do 

for others I am never left wanting for anything. 

With that, I will bid you all bye-bye for now as my backside needs to get mobile.

I am making and delivering homemade lasanga to many other Mother's I love

tomorrow  and I have 5 to make. Thanks for reading what's in my mind grounds 

and may this day find you happy and well.

 

Show Me The Way.....

Hello again! I hope all eyes here are well in health, hope and faith.

I have been trying to get back here and add another entry for awhile now, 

many things stood in my way. Almost two years have passed since I laid lines here 

and I'm going to do my dandiest to not spit sours about it. I would love to see what any of you have I can'tof you have been up to but since that isn't possible, I'll fill you in on some of what has taken up my time.

You may remember that I was in school and had gained my grade 9 and 10 credits.

Covid introducing us to it's ugly and my lack of luster in learning on a screen 

instead of a classroom, stopped me. That's alright, I got a job and it's honestly,

the best place for me. I just celebrated my first year by making dinner and dessert

for my two bosses. You probably know that's how I always celebrate people places

and moments in my life. 

Shortly after gaining employment, I had to move from the condo I so loved.

Though it was heartbreaking I understood why the owners wanted to sell and 

have always appreciated the opportunity I was given to live there. 

Now we are in a small two bedroom apartment that is over priced, like everywhere

else but it is adequate shelter and a lot better than being homeless. In the last

two years, life has shown me how to live with less, give more and be grateful for

everything, even your suffering because it could all be worse in a second.

Currently, I am in profound pain.

Let me start from the beginning. Back in September I received my first dose of

the covid vaccine. I didn't feel well the following day so I called in sick. I was back 

to work the following day. About ten days later, I started having pain where 

my hernia is. I managed it until October 14th. I came home from work, in pain. 

I was in bed early, before 8 pm and ended up in the emergency department of the 

hospital near me. I was the recipient of a successful surgery.

I spent five days healing with family in there beautiful apartment.....yup, blessed.

Four months later another obstacle. Agony I had have never endured. 

This time a literal pain in my back side. A thrombosed hemorrhoid. 

Unless you have lived this pain, you can't know how I am suffering.

Still, I am grateful.

Today I am excited because in a couple hours from now, our oldest son is

coming home to visit for a few days. He has been coming home a lot in the 

last year and instantly hopped on a train to come see me when I had my surgery.

As always, he asked me to make him a few of his favourite foods. 

Right now, I'm making  the first of em. Queso Flamaedo then tomorrow he wants 

egg in a cup and egg in a nest. Well, I should go and get ready because it's taking 

me a ton of time to move around and accomplish anything. 

As always, thank you for reading what's in my mind grounds and may you be 

happy and well in this dismal weather day.