Sleeping Sadness.....

Thanks to a family member that's what mines doing right now.
You see for the last couple days I have been filled with sadness
over the poor choices I've made in life and how they have had
a negative impact on the lives of my children.
Never is it easy to admit to anyone when we've failed but for me
the worst part is the ongoing crucifixion I nail myself with over such mistakes.
Like most mornings I fought to leave my warm nest and made my
way upstairs to start the day.
Got the kids up, fed and ready for school then landed my large load
in front of the computer with my coffee in hand to do some reading.
Waiting for me was a message from my Cousin.
I'll keep our conversation private but I will let you know that she sure
lifted my deflated spirits.
I never would have guessed that she felt such sweetness towards me
but what a nice surprise it was to read her words.

I was instantly brought back to the last time we all spent with her Father (My Uncle).
We gathered at his bedside and reminisced about his life how many wonderful
memories we all made with him.
At one point it was just his Daughter and I in the room with him and we
were playing music that he loved.
Laughing and smiling over his silliness when past family vacation songs played.
You see, my Uncle was usually the one who picked out our family vacation songs.
The ones that come to mind the quickest are always the quirkiest ones.
Songs like The Battle Of New Orleans, and The Skippy peanut butter song.
Yes we are an odd bunch but we laugh lots, loudly and long!
Anyway, my Cousin asked if I would like to hear the song she had hoped to
dance to with her Father on her wedding day.
Of course I was interested in hearing it, even more so because we both knew
he wouldn't be able to do that for her now.

Give me a minute here folks, the tears are flowing......
Man if I had a penny for every time my eyes leaked I would be the richest
woman in the world.
Just thinking of the words in that song and how much she wanted her Father
to see her married, makes my insides turn to mush.
Remembering the dance I had with my Father and knowing she
won't get that part of her dream just tears me up.
I've said it before and I'll state it here again It's Not Fair!
If any of you reading are the kind that talk to the Big Guy
In The Sky, please say a prayer for my Cousin, she is in need of some
happiness and less hardship.

Well much do I have to do today, may even get motivated enough
to make the perogies I have been putting off.
I'll leave these lines with the song she played for me, get your Kleenex
ready if you're anything like me.
Thank you for reading what's on my mind and may the remainder of this
day find you well and wonderful in your own ways!

Drawing A Blank.....

That's what I'm doing at the moment.
I have been wanting to add another entry here all week but I've
been drawing a blank.
I really don't want to keep typing about the same things I've talked about before.
My life is not an exciting one but I will try and give you something worthwhile to read.

Last night found me once again at a funeral home, the third time in
the last three months.
Another family member has passed and the only thing that comforts
me me when people leave this place is sharing memories of those we've
lost with loved ones.
As I spoke with my Aunt about her Husband and his last couple years in life, I was
surprised at how well she seemed to be doing.
They shared 47 years of marriage together and I can only wish the same for
my Husband and I.
All I could think of was how in the world can she be standing here greeting
others and asking about how things are in their lives?
I swear if I am ever in this situation I will be next to the casket bearing arms
while directing visitors to pay their respects and leave me alone.
My eyes started leaking whenever I looked around at the loved ones our
Uncle left behind.
Not long ago my Sister told me that we are different when it comes to sadness.
She stated that I was better at handling it in the long haul but when it first hits
she does dandily.
I gather that she is correct in that calculation.
As I go on through this day I've been gifted with I will try and keep in mind
the things that I know matter.
My family and friends will be told that they are loved and my temper will be tamed
knowing that I am here while so many others are not.

Once again we are faced with Friday and I'm filled with excitement for
the coming week.
Hubby Bub turns 44 soon and we hope to be going away to celebrate it.
I'll be making perogies and though it's a lot of work, it's well worth it to see
others enjoy them so much.
I really should scoot now as I have one of our Sons home from school today
and must get him ready for the day at hand.
Thanks for reading what's on my mind and may this day find you happy
and in well health.

Freaky Friday.....

Another week is winding down and this morning I reluctantly rose
from the nest to find those pesky flakes that fall from the sky, fell onto
everything. Yup we have snow once again.
It's not much so I'll go on to gripe about something else.
Today is Friday the 13th and though I don't go around looking for
ladders to walk under or black cats to cross I still proceed with
caution on these days because I am kinda superstitious.

Fridays are a good day for looking back with me, you have most of the
week past and only the weekend to get through and who doesn't
like the weekends?
Those who work em I imagine.
Much good came from this week, I'm gonna reflect on that instead of
wasting any more time and energy on the negative things that needled me.
It started off sweetly with the kids going back to school, yay! and seeing
Meme in a well way when we went to visit.
Our Sons have been getting along decently, Hubby has been in a good mood
and Wednesday found me visiting with two old friends, seeing one and talking
for hours on the phone with another.
Simple stuff for surely but swell enough to keep me smiling.

Now that January has it's hands on us I find myself looking forward to
what I call Summer's start, the May 2-4 weekend!
Yes it's months away but it's always good to have something to look
forward to.
I am also excited for the end of April, you see my Husband and I
will be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary this year.
(those of you that read my blog already know this) I can't believe
how quickly all those years have passed by. I don't know how
I ever ended up with such a great guy but I'll not look a gift horse
in the mouth so I just thank God for the graces I've been living with.

Actually I am anxious for a bit more snow as well so our youngest
Son can use the new snow board he was given at Christmas, the thing
looks like it's gonna fly and I can't wait to see his face when he rides it.
My mind still makes it's way back to this past Christmas and how
very much I miss my Uncle that just passed but how wonderful it was
to have all of us getting along, laughing and smiling about memories
we all made with him.
Keeping that in mind I will leave these lines with a comical picture my
Hubby Bub captured of my Cousin and I locked in a cracker kiss.
Good times indeed, I love my family!
May the remainder of this day be dandy for you all and as always
thank you for reading what's on my mind.

Nothing Special.....

Nothing special is a weird way to describe anything I think.
We use it when referring to a non eventful day, what we wear
and even when speaking about others and how we see ourselves.
I'm guilty of doing this as well, how odd.
Now that I've noticed it and I'm irritated by it maybe I will try and
be a little more creative when expressing my thoughts.

Lately I have been trying very hard to see something special
in everyone I look at and it's a lot easier than I thought it would be.
There is a lady in our neighborhood that gets around by her bicycle
like I do and she is always wearing rainbow coloured clothing.
A few times I have overheard children whispering and laughing
about the way she dresses and it always makes me sad.
Personally I think she makes an awesome choice in her everyday
apparel, what better way to ensure a good attitude than to wear
bright beautiful colours?
Next time I see her I think I'm gonna let her know how what she
wears always brings a smile to my face.

Over this past weekend we celebrated my Uncle's 50th birthday.
We all gathered at a local watering hole and enjoyed each others company
and all the fantastic food that everyone made.
There were meat balls, chicken wings, lasagna, Pat & Hanks fish,
cheese sticks, venison, humus, quiche pockets, kielbasa, baby pigs
in a blanket and crackers...think I remembered everything.
I was so glad that we were able to be there and even a couple of my
closest friends came out to wish my Uncle well.
I'm not so far away from fifty and if the good Lord shall have me see it I
hope to spend it with all the wonderful people that were there Saturday night.

There really is nothing specail about this entry but thank you for reading
it anyway.
May the remainder of this day find you happy and in well health.
This ones for the rainbow on a bike lady!

Out In The Country.......

We have returned from our trip into the wilderness and it was wonderful.
My husband has been bugging me for a long time to go and see the place
that he and so many other males in my family have fallen in love with but
I had always put him off with excuses.

Glad I finally gave in and went to see what it was all about.
My biggest worry was not being able to bathe for a few days, you see
I'm a girl that loves to soak in a hot bath at the end of a long day and the
thought of washing up with just a basin of hot water did nothing for me.
Maybe I had a touch of princessitis going on but it's all gone now.
One of the things I loved the most about the place was that it's way out in
the middle of nowhere, solitude and silence surround it.
I also feared that I would be bored beyond my brain with nothing to do
while Hubby Bub and our youngest Son were hunting.
That was all kinds of untrue.
The deer camp is only visited by men and evidence of that could
be found in every corner.
There are three entrances with only one having a rug to reign in the mud
when you walk in, keeping the floors clean was a constant effort on my
part and I'm happy to say they looked good when we left.

I spent the days cleaning and cooking, reading and resting in front of
the pot bellied fireplace while the guys were out hunting and doing the
bonding thing.
Never did I imagine that I could enjoy the deer camp so much and
I feel foolish for giving my Husband such a hard time for so long.
In the future hopefully I won't be so stubborn.
On New Years Eve we had a feast that I proudly prepared for
the ones I love. Steak, shrimp, scallops and breaded chicken balls
were part of the delicious menu. We also enjoyed cheese, crackers,
kielbasa and of course potato chips and dip (our Sons favorite)
Music filled the air from about 6am when we woke everyday until
the wee hours of the night when we searched for slumber.
Lots of country music was played and I discovered that I like the
new sounds of country more than I thought I did.
One of the highlights was hearing Seven Spanish Angels on the radio.
It was one of my Dad's favorites and it felt fantastic to dance 
with my Husband as it played.
No deer were seen but the boys did shoot a pheasant that I will
be cooking up this week.

There was one downfall in one of the days at the deer camp.
While I was getting up to visit the washroom I took a nasty tumble
down the stairs and cracked my head but good off the wood floor.
I'm bruised down my right side but thankfully I don't think I did
any long term damage, maybe it even knocked some sense into me.

So we started the new year off swell and I hope that we are able
to go back there for our 20th anniversary in April.
I'll leave these lines with a picture of where we stayed along with
a song.
Very fitting tune for the fabulous time we had.
Thanks for reading what's on my mind and I hope your new year
started out as happily as ours did.