Ripped A New One.....

Hello again everyone! (waving)

I hope you are doing dandy in this day. As for me, today hasn't been terrific. Boy could I spit sours about it right now but it wouldn't help me, you or the hobo in the hood....lol Instead I am going to focus on the fine in this day. I am able to be in the nest and not at work, I have accomplished to and from the bathroom, on my own and hopefully make a simple dinner of spaghetti and tomato juice for the three of us. Today was filled with sunshine and blue skies outside my bedroom window but that is the only way I could enjoy it....from my bed. Hmmmm, this may be tougher than I thought. My mind is always racing and I'm constantly trying to reel it in and rationalize every part. In 51 years, I've yet to succeed. So here I sit, same decision, different day. I'm feeling pretty determined so I'll type on. Thinking of all the great in this, the 14th day of May and one of my favourite, younger females is in my mind. My cousin's daughter. One of the kids I've watched for years but now I am not needed any longer and that's ok, life changes for us all, as do our needs. I am so happy for my cousin and for the said female. Life is more lovely for them in the last year and a half. You know what?, I'm grateful. For the years I had watching her for a few hours, over night or a week at a time while her dad was away. Oh the marvelous memories stored away and hopes she will retain the same. I will see her soon. There is a family gathering planned for the end of July, by her aunt and I will be there waiting to play in the pool with her. You see, this little lady is mermaildy like me! Today she turns eleven and though I've tried a few ways, I have yet to wish her a happy birthday and tell her how much I love and miss her. I'm certain she is having a dandy day! That is what matters most.

Well that was wonderful, so I'll continue on. A friend of mine had surgery this week and isn't doing well. She is someone I admire and adore. She is a mother, a wife and soon to be grandmother, she is indeed an all around warrior. What she deals with everyday since we met, I never could. My friend has MS and if only that could be her one hurdle in life, she also has two children, one 17 and one 19. The younger one is pregnant. Did I mention her husband was in an awful accident a few years ago and he is also in a wheelchair and not mobile? these folks DO, every day. Again, I am grateful. However, I am also feeling sorry for myself. Please go look elsewhere if you don't like it.....lol I have been spending most days in profuse pain, I work through it, some days better than others....nothing new there...lol  It has been the worst physical awful that I have ever endured, for months. It is literally a pain in my backside. I told you to look elsewhere.....lol Back in December 2021 I formed a thrombosed hemorrhoid. After a couple weeks of suffering I couldn't stand anymore and ended up in the emergency room. Four and a half hours I couldn't stand sitting, standing, walking, and crying. I figured I would fair better at home in bed so my husband came back and got me. Fast forward to the end of February and it finally was removed late in the month. That gave me some relief but not completely and not for long, at all....*sigh* Now here we are in May, a colonoscopy later and three more appointments with my surgeon, still suffering but at least I have been able to work. Currently I am on a pain medicine, three creams and watching what I eat with eagle eyes. Now I have a fissure, same pain but now internal, no fun at all! If you had never endured this pain, let me describe it for you. It feels like a sharp piece of glass or a single razor blade just stabbing all over in one area. That is honestly the best way I can explain it. I continue to focus on the many folks I love who sufferer more, daily and probably will for the rest of their lives.

So in the here and now.......I am just finishing this blog up, days after I intended to. What's that saying about the road to hell being paved with good intentions?...lol I am having a decent day and I did end up talking to that 11 year old I love.....on her birthday! Also, I went swimming with her the day after her birthday annnnd it was my first time in the water for this season. On Sunday my nephew turned 22 and found the time to take a few minutes and talk to his old aunt. He sounded well and wonderful in his life, he recently moved to Ottawa Ontario and loves the big city! He is a smart, social, kind and generous man, peacock proud I am of his efforts. With that said, I will say see you in cyberspace soon! I'm making hot roast beef sandwiches, mashed potatoes and corn, so off I go! As always, thanks for reading what's been in my mind grounds and I hope you enjoy the remainder of this day folks! 

Turtle Trot.....(started in April and finished in May)

Hello and I hope all eyes here are well!

What a dandious day it is here and I am currently making biscuits 

and gravy for our dinner. 

Last weekend our oldest son came home for Easter and one of his requests for me

was to make this meal. I failed then because I was sick with the flu all weekend.

He didn't give me any grief and as always, was empathetic and at the ready to 

offer his efforts for anything I needed. I'm so peacock proud of him! 

I can't type out terrific without offering praise to our youngest son. 

He has been off work almost completely since before Christmas. 

He works in the kitchen of a restaurant that harbours a marina, seasonal work.

The upside is he makes less money than I do but works six-seven days a week 

once the lovely weather winds up and the boats start being launched.

This year was the first time he filed income tax and that go go soul got a bigger

rebate than his old mom. Also for our youngest I am praying.

You see, in the last 3 years he has had an E-bike, battery for said bike 

and a motorized bicycle he built, stolen. all from different places. 

It still sends me sad and mad. He is a very hard worker outside of around 

here.....hahaha. I have strong say so's on the subject of stealing and 

simply said, it peeves me plenty! 

He went and spent his refund on a new E-bike for himself......(it worries me) 

I love seeing anyone happy but I'm sure all of you can relate, seeing our closest 

loved ones, happy.....is gravy in the boat of life!

Okay on to the tortoise of my title.....

Like everyone else, I struggle with stuff. 

The worst of it is always inside the think tank, the mind grounds. 

Often my mistakes are present in daily moments.

I think anyone who wants to improve does. 

Unfortunately, that's where the demons are. If any eyes here claim to have no 

closet monsters, I want to know if you're having a good time or a hard time?

We all have em. I wonder with every soul I meet, do you deal with em and how?

On April 13th 2022 the planet we are all playing on, lost the most 

awesomness angel. This soul was of the wonderful, that some never see. 

I feel honoured to have spent time with her, always laughter, mostly at herself.

However, that is one area I am proud to say, I could hold the ring with her and 

win wordly. Rah-Rah!

This is painful but well worth my wee effort. 

Her name is Chrissy. She was and I'm certain, will go on to be, an absolute angel. 

I could honestly go on for hours about everything she was.

The first close communication we had was after a social media post I made on the

state I was in, mentally. I'm going to whip through this because it wasn't all

wonderful. She reached out to me and truly gave my the kick in the backside 

I needed to start making different choices in my life.

One of my favourite memories of her came about while she was very sick 

and weak but on the mend and pushing herself, she looked smart and sharp in the 

outfit she wore. After all, she was both of those things.

I was dressed in bland yet comfy clothing. It kinda peeved her plenty. She started

to tell me how she wished she could walk around in public wearing pajamas

like many do these days. I asked why she didn't and she replied that she just 

couldn't bring herself to. I laughed at her saying that she should be comfy 

and not care about what she looked like. Then without hesitation and being 

dead serious, she said "I want you and anyone else to dress down and wear pajamas at my funeral!"

I laughed and said that even though I could wear pj's or a swimsuit anywhere, that

is the one place I couldn't. I sure did though and you know what? I didn't even give

one little lick as to what anyone there thought of me. It wasn't at the funeral though

because I had to work but instead for the visitation at the funeral home, I hope

she still counts it as me honouring her request. 

For more than 20 years she battled a couple different kinds of cancer and constant 

health heaps. she fought long, hard and always with love and laughter for others.

She did beat the cancer and was able to even start her own high end consignment 

shop that did well. Sadly she recently suffered from vertigo and took a fall. 

She broke her hip and from what I've been told, passed due to complications 

from that. 

How can it be that one soul fights for so long, so hard, all the time helping others, 

and be taken out by a broken hip at 51 years old? It enrages me!!! 

Any of you that know me personally, know that I am a firm believer in The Big Guy,

The Little Guy and The Ghost Guy and I never question them. 

However, questioning is all I have been able to do for almost a month now. 

It has got me nowhere. 

So for the 5th time I am trying to finish this entry and you mark 

my words here, damn I will!

 

Chrissy is my husbands first Cousin and she was only one month and 

seven days younger than myself. Seeing her closest loved ones at the funeral home was hard. 

Especially her husband of 30 years. He was nearly unrecognizable and it broke 

my blood pumper to see him in that state. 

The one thing I know from this loss is that we are here for to help 

each other, not to help ourselves. I know from my own life lessons that when I do 

for others I am never left wanting for anything. 

With that, I will bid you all bye-bye for now as my backside needs to get mobile.

I am making and delivering homemade lasanga to many other Mother's I love

tomorrow  and I have 5 to make. Thanks for reading what's in my mind grounds 

and may this day find you happy and well.

 

Show Me The Way.....

Hello again! I hope all eyes here are well in health, hope and faith.

I have been trying to get back here and add another entry for awhile now, 

many things stood in my way. Almost two years have passed since I laid lines here 

and I'm going to do my dandiest to not spit sours about it. I would love to see what any of you have I can'tof you have been up to but since that isn't possible, I'll fill you in on some of what has taken up my time.

You may remember that I was in school and had gained my grade 9 and 10 credits.

Covid introducing us to it's ugly and my lack of luster in learning on a screen 

instead of a classroom, stopped me. That's alright, I got a job and it's honestly,

the best place for me. I just celebrated my first year by making dinner and dessert

for my two bosses. You probably know that's how I always celebrate people places

and moments in my life. 

Shortly after gaining employment, I had to move from the condo I so loved.

Though it was heartbreaking I understood why the owners wanted to sell and 

have always appreciated the opportunity I was given to live there. 

Now we are in a small two bedroom apartment that is over priced, like everywhere

else but it is adequate shelter and a lot better than being homeless. In the last

two years, life has shown me how to live with less, give more and be grateful for

everything, even your suffering because it could all be worse in a second.

Currently, I am in profound pain.

Let me start from the beginning. Back in September I received my first dose of

the covid vaccine. I didn't feel well the following day so I called in sick. I was back 

to work the following day. About ten days later, I started having pain where 

my hernia is. I managed it until October 14th. I came home from work, in pain. 

I was in bed early, before 8 pm and ended up in the emergency department of the 

hospital near me. I was the recipient of a successful surgery.

I spent five days healing with family in there beautiful apartment.....yup, blessed.

Four months later another obstacle. Agony I had have never endured. 

This time a literal pain in my back side. A thrombosed hemorrhoid. 

Unless you have lived this pain, you can't know how I am suffering.

Still, I am grateful.

Today I am excited because in a couple hours from now, our oldest son is

coming home to visit for a few days. He has been coming home a lot in the 

last year and instantly hopped on a train to come see me when I had my surgery.

As always, he asked me to make him a few of his favourite foods. 

Right now, I'm making  the first of em. Queso Flamaedo then tomorrow he wants 

egg in a cup and egg in a nest. Well, I should go and get ready because it's taking 

me a ton of time to move around and accomplish anything. 

As always, thank you for reading what's in my mind grounds and may you be 

happy and well in this dismal weather day. 

 

Wonderful In This Woeful World.....

Hello again and thanks for looking in on me! I have missed doing this but have remained busy.

I hope you are well in health on this thundering Thursday in May.
Tomorrow marks the start of my favourite time of year....SUMMER!. Though it doesn't officially start until next month, I kickoff the season on the Friday before Victoria Day every single year.
This will be the first one in my life that we saw snow in the same month.
Tomorrow is also my nephew's 20th birthday. Time sure has flown and has also gained speed while doing it. 

When I last laid lines here I was just starting school again after dropping out at 14. 

I am very happy to report that I have acquired all of my grade nine and ten credits and I am well on my way to attaining the remainder I need to get that darn diploma!

Like last year, the teacher I have is amazing and I'm grateful to have had such a good experience so far. That was until....(doom music plays in my head)....The Killer Corona Virus.

Talk about coming out of left field!!. What a wallop it's whipped us with!. Never in my nastiest nightmares did I ever imagine something so scary, sickly and sad would swoop in and send us all into our homes, filled with fear. I honestly have never before this, given a thought to something striking so worldwide. The complete sadness of people having to die alone makes me mourn their loss of life. It sure has given me more reasons to be grateful for all of my blessings, especially the health of  my loved ones. I have learned a lesson or two through it though and I hope to keep that in the front of my mind grounds. One thing is for certain, not one of us has any idea what the next day, week, month or moment will have in store for us. I hope that this changes humanity in a kinder, humbling way.
We sure have become pretty high and mighty, wouldn't you agree?
I have also sadly seen in myself a lack of patience for some people when I have been in public. I'm not claiming that I could take anything in stride like a saint, surely that is not I...lol. 

I'm just noticing how the Corona Crud has had a hand in me not being at my best.

Ok, I'm ready to type of wonderful instead of woe. Soon it will be June and that means my sons gain another year in age.
The oldest is turning 24 while the youngest is entering 18. I have not the first clue how it happened, I swear they were ten and four just two years ago!
Both are healthy and well and for that, I am most grateful. The younger one just received an e-bike for his upcoming birthday and sure does love it.
I'm thankful for this generous gift but now worry even more about his safety when he is away from me. It does give him freedom though and because of Covid-19 and our close living space, it has been beneficial for him.
The oldest is doing well in his job and just found out that he is getting a raise, full benefits and a pension.
I am so proud of the boys, they have accomplished more than I had in their young years.
Today as I type this out in my nest, I can't help but think of the coming months and mostly, if my baby boy will graduate this year or if he will have to go back for another one.
I tell ya, there sure hasn't been a shortage of thoughts in my head through all of this. I have been keeping busy doing things I love, mostly cooking and bringing meals to loved ones.
Today I'm making cabbage rolls and look forward to sharing them with others.
Well folks, my hip is hurting and I have get up and move so I'll say sayonara senors and senoritas!
Hopefully I will make it back here soon.
As always, thanks for reading what's in my mind grounds!

Back To School.....

Hello everyone! (waving)
I have quite a bit to share with you all today. Some glad, other things sad. I'll start with the sorrow. On February 16th 2016 my Mother ended up in a coma and on the 18th we had to say goodbye to her. I loathe thinking of it for the many ways it hurts my heart. Today is February 18th and in my head, her death and those choices I made....are haunting. No way am I going to spend this day crying and complaining though. That wouldn't be beneficial to anyone, especially myself. What I will do, is focus on, remember and share all the good of the woman (our Mother) we where gathered at the hospital for. My Mother was 100 million percent her own person, she owned her beliefs and the beauty she saw in others. She could hold an interesting and vicorous conversation with anyone. My Sis and I truly gained the gift of gab, from her. I miss her laugh and her "don't you tell me!" way. How many of us can truly say we own everything about ourselves?. I know I sure can't. Many times I act differently around others, like more reserved or less opinionated. Our Mother never ever did that! She was always in the only skin she ever wore and she was rightfully proud of it. She would weild her words in a woeful way, like we all have, yet could and would apologize when wrong. I do think my Sis and I also have that in us. Oh how I do admire so many things about her!. I miss when we went to lunch with her oldest Sister, out bowling, two hour long telephone chats. Most of all I miss when all of us were together. My eyes are leaking large now so I should move things along.

Today is also Family Day in my home and native land and I am very much looking forward to making a Mexican feast later!. We will be having homemade bacon wrapped jalapeño popper bread, tacos hard and soft along with some quesadas. Afterwards maybe a game of pool or darts with some of my loved ones!. However, in the back of my mind grounds, gloom looms as I think about the future. Tomorrow I start back to school after never going further than grade 8, more than thirty- five years ago. My Mother would be oh so proud!. I hope to do better than I did in my previous experience with the education system. I doubt that I will encounter the things that stopped me before but that isn't easing me any. I'm worried that I won't do well and will give up, as I have in the past. One thing I do know is, I want to graduate. That never was a goal I had in younger years. Life was my bull and I was going to ride it instead of reading about it!. Guess who need up riding who?, lol. I'm giving myself stern pep talks lately and I pray that I will be courageous enough to continue on if I fail.

Before I leave you all to this day, I would like to take a few minutes to tell you about a man, a neighbor, a very good role model in life. A man who I saw everyday of my childhood and not once did I witness him sad or really mad. For respect towards him and his family I won't name him. This man that I so looked up to, who to me was always ten feet tall, passed away last week after a long, giving, loving life. He was a super soul!. Family, community and always offering his assistance were at the core of his being. He was an educated man but humble about himself. Humour was always handed out by him and all of us Stop 26 kids know what I'm talking about. One of my favorite memories is when I would be invited to go out with his youngest Daughter, one of my best friends, to to the store or to visit her Meme or Grandmother. You see, my neighbors had this old red, huge station wagon that had seen better days but served the family swell for many years. They were a huge tree of nine and that old wagon sure held it's worth with the kids it transported. Anyway, back in the 70's safety standards weren't what they are today. This vehicle had not one but two huge holes in the floor behind both the drivers and passenger seats. Mr Neighbour simply placed loose cardboard over the holes and told us that had we tried to remove it to see the ground under the traveling car, we would most certainly be sucked into the vortex of air from the holes. We believed him and never dared to test his knowledge. Imagine that!, kids being afraid of things Adults say..lol. I so longed to be at his viewing yesterday or his upcoming funeral, later today. However I have been battling lung sickness of a serious kind, since the first week of December and don't want to make any others ill. I've managed to contaminate my family and a couple friends, I've done enough damage. On that evilness, I shall bid you all a very dandy day!. As always, thanks for reading what's in the mind grounds and I hope you are lucky enough to spend time with your families today.

The Greatest Gifts....

Hello again everyone!. Over a year since I last wrote here, how can that be?. Endless reasons why it happened but I'm just going to focus on the here and now. That has been something I have always struggled with but now I'm forced to do it daily, so for to save my sanity. Much has changed since I last graced this space. Where shall I begin?. I'll start with the title as that seems fitting. The greatest gifts, to me, are family, friends and The Big Guy's love. Those three things have kept me going, even though I frequently wanted to give up. I am able to once again blog because of the kindness and generosity of a very good friend. I won't name her because I haven't asked her permission. I will say that she has been a huge part of healing for me in the last year of my life. She is one of my biggest supporters and always speaks her mind and doesn't glaze anything, ever. Without speaking of the sourness that brought me to this point in my journey, I will let you all know that I am in my own place for the first time in my forty eight years of life. My Husband and I are living a part and I struggle with that but I'm grateful to have been given the opportunity and gifts handed to me. I'm always second guessing myself and never understand why others have the belief in me that I can't seem to see in my own self. However, I'm here and still trying so that is what matters, right?. To each and every one of you that have shown me kindness, I thank you!. Today has been a good day, actually, so have the last few and I am grateful for it!

Back to my family and friends.
I often wonder why no one ever gave up on me and why I refuse to give up on others, even when it sucks every ounce of my strength and sunshine. Do any of us realize the power we have in helping each other?. I think not. Otherwise, we would be doing more for others and less for ourselves. 2018 was a year of firsts for me. My first apartment, my first time doing things for myself and my first time being completely alone at Christmas!. Guess what?, I lived through it all!. I certainly didn't think I would. I have to tell you that crying alone when no one can hear you is way more dismal than doing it with others in the house. I'm glad I lived it though. Good, bad and even uncomfy experiences should not only be acknowledged but given their weight in worth. I understand that the three things I have given credit to, pave my way. Christmas alone was not enjoyable but necessary so others didn't get sick. I loathed being away from our Sons, my Sister and her family. Waaah was me but it most certainly wasn't the worst in life. Right now, where I live, snow and below temps surround us. I am not a fan. However, I am not homeless, hungry or cold. As far as I feel, those are some of the worst things in life that anyone can experience.

On that, I'll leave these lines and hope to have many more in the future. As always, thanks for reading what's been in my mind grounds and I hope you are all well and wonderful in this day.

From 1970 To 2018.....

Well there goes another speedy six months.
Salutations and Happy 2018 to you all!. I'll start at the beginning which is at the end of where I left off. When last I laid lines here, we were enjoying a superb Summer. Much to my disliking, we are now in the snowy, stranglehold cold of Winter....ICK!. I'm going to swallow my sours though because it is much worse, elsewhere in the world.

In the months leading up to this post we were quite busy. Mostly visiting folks, swimming and soaking up every last ounce of Summer.
September was right there waiting for us to get back in our regular routine though. Our youngest is now in grade ten and has surpassed his Brother in height and sassiness.
He, my Stepfather and I spent Christmas with my Sister and her family this year, out of town. My Hubby was having a rough time and just wanted to stay home, alone. Against my wishes, he did.
I'm pleased to let you know that he is doing much better and I'm thankful for our love over each other. Earlier in December my Husband had an issue with his heart. Its been going on for years
but never gets less scary when it happens. Again, I'm good and grateful he is still here, right by my side. I have gained another year in age as of November, which brings me to this blog title. 1970 is the year I was gifted life and its been a journey that I love sharing with others. I recall long boring hours looking out my classroom window daydreaming of being "older". Any age older than the one I was at.....ten.
Before I blinked there was sixteen, then 21, 34 and now 47.Careful what you wish for!. I just can't wrap my mind grounds around how fast it all flew by. So with just four days into a brand new year here I sit in decent health, no wealth yet humble and happy. Days like today are a blessing simply because I have all the folks I love in life, also alive and surviving, just like me....did you hear my roar in your head there?. I sure felt it, while I typed.

In October of 2017 we experienced something that we never have before. Being without a car. The motor seized in our driveway. It sure stumped our mechanic. he said it usually happens while driving. We continue to look for a used vehicle but so far, no luck. People have said to us "how can you live without a car?".
It makes me giggle because we live right near bus stops, have a bicycle and also our legs. Though we do miss having a car, it surely isn't a necessity. I do hope and pray that we get one before Summer's start though. Currently most of my prayers have been for two fine friends. One is battling huge health heaps and the other is starting her life over. Both bring about instant gratitude for my piddly problems. The older I get the more I realize how precious time really is and not one of us knows how long we will be gifted it. Speaking of gifts, that reminds me of my birthday.
I had a sleep over at my friends house and had a kahton of fun!. She spoils me so sweetly on my big day, every year. This one included a bbq'd steak dinner done in the pouring rain by her Husband and also a personal size birthday cake!. There were many other gifts but the one I enjoyed the most was all of our loud laughter.

Well folks, I'm going to get comfy in our nest now. Hubby and I are going to watch a movie. I hope you are all doing well and that 2018 is your best year yet.
Thanks for reading what's in the mind grounds. I always appreciate it!