Fantasy Frequencies.....

As I woke this morning and readied myself for my daily routine, thoughts of trading places with someone I love, trickled through the think tank. I've thought about it many times since the person I'm referring to has entered my life. Actually for the last year and half, these fantasy frequencies (that's what I call em) have come and gone. Usually, like now, it's at a time when my friend is in her worst way or I am. You see, she's having surgery today and I'm all kinds of antsy about it. For obvious reasons but also additional ones. I've mentioned this wonderful woman before in my blogs and I'm sure my regular readers know who I'm speaking of. For those of you that are new to this space, I'll give you a quick review. My friend's name is Christine and she is my Husband's first Cousin, she recalls me from childhood but I can't make the same statement of her. I do remember getting an invitation to her wedding some twenty-two years ago but I hadn't recalled ever meeting her or her Husband. Anyway, she wasn't a person I knew, I only recall being introduced once and didn't have the pleasure of her presence in my life, until recently. Today she is much on my mind, like she has been since offering me her friendship several months ago. Getting back to the title at hand....

Fantasy frequencies is what I've been having, frequently. Often when I feel like this it's when I'm not in a well way, within my own self. I think of how much better it would be for her family and mine if we could switch spaces. I think of how I've failed my Husband, children, family, friends and also myself. If we could change places, it would be wonderful!. I'd be sick and unable to do what was required of me. She would be free, mobile and healthy, able to achieve anything!. I've learned in the past year that when this happens it's at a time when both of us have been in need of something. I'm not certain if she's received what she needs but I can tell you that I sure have and The Big Guy gave it to me by way of Chrissy's own kindness. I haven't spoken to her recently but knew she wasn't in a good way. Our friendship is a very breezy but beautiful one and we always pick up where we last left off. Months will pass between us having a visit but she is often on my mind and always in my prayers. I can't tell you how many times just a thought of her and what she's struggled through, has set me straight and smiley, today is no different.

Last night my Husband took me out for dinner, the second time in less than a week and trust me folks, that NEVER happens. When we returned, I glanced at the calls on our phone and saw that Chrissy had called only ten minutes before we walked in. Sadly, I didn't call her back as I wanted to bathe and go watch a movie that we picked up. I did think about calling her, several times as we watched "Unknown". How fitting that title is for this day. My Husband knew that she's been on my mind because I mentioned that I hadn't heard from her and figured she was struggling with things. He didn't tell me to call her and put off the movie, like I had hoped he would. I've done that a few times with other friends recently and got blasted for it so I didn't want to do it again. How many times do you wish you could just go back a few hours in time and do something different?, right now, that's me, well and the trading places thing to. I would trade places with her if I could, not because of my "Irritable Self Syndrome"  but instead, so she could live her life the way she wants instead of having to live it consumed by pain. If today were my last day on earth, I would happily state that I did everything I wanted to except swim in an ocean and pet a pelican. I would also make this switch with other loved ones. Thoughts of my Meme are all in me when I'm in this way. What would my Grandmother give to be younger, pain free and again mobile?. I know that occupying my mind grounds with such senselessness isn't smart but it does make me focus on the gifts I have of today so maybe it does serve me sweetly, after all :)

I made mention of "Chrissy's Kindness" above and I'll elaborate now. This morning after a couple of days feeling useless, unloved and unheard around here, I read back on blog entries from my friend and recalled all the times she's made me feel better about myself by sharing herself with me. Reading that she would be having surgery today, belted my blood pumper. Instantly, my "head voice" said "see, you should have called her back last night, you Ninny!", then I stopped and thought. What would your friend want for you if you could ask her now?. I knew she would want me to appreciate the gifts I have, in not only my good health but the happiness I receive from those around me. Simple, right?, well today it is but I make no promises pertaining to the future because my feelings are far to finicky for that.

I could sit here all day typing about the things I love and look up to in each of my friends and family members but I feel the need to get back on my knees again, time for another talk with the Big Guy!
Thanks for reading what's in my mind grounds and may we all be as blessed to see
tomorrow as we are in the beauty of today!
P.S I'll add two pictures that have much meaning to my friend, one is from a local artist Wade Clark and the other is one of my own.