These are things I have been struggling with for the last few days.
It all started on Monday after my blog entry.
The day was going decently and I was full of optimism in what it might hold.
That's always a sure sign that I'll soon be swimming in sorrow and I did.
Damn near drowned in it.
Either I'm to positive or negative in my outlook on anything, no grey lines live in me.
I've mentioned before that I'm an all or noting kind of girl and this last emotional
episode was no exception.
While speaking with a friend, I misunderstood and flew off the handle.
I'm telling you, if I could turn of my emotions even momentarily, life would be easy,
like breathing in an evening breeze.
Though financial troubles have tripped me up in the past it's usually relationship
matters that trap my mind and heart in a tug of war with each other.
I was so focused on what I wanted and the need to be heard that I didn't even realize
what my friend was saying.
From Monday afternoon until Wednesday evening I snowballed everything I don't like
about myself and life to the point of ugly dark destruction from the demons within me.
Once I was black, blue and emotionally empty I started to brush myself off and
make my way back to the beauty in life.
I'd be willing to bet my banged up blood pumper that every one of you with eyes on
this page are truly tired of reading about all my ups and downs.
Sorry folks but that's me and though I'm trying to improve, I still fall flat on my face frequently.
Today I am making pounds of perogies for to share with my family tomorrow
at our comical Cousins house.
I am filled with excitement over loved ones visiting from out West.
In between making food and packing I will be blowing the rain clouds away, I looked
at the forecast for tomorrow and there's a 60% chance of showers.
Not if my lips and lungs have anything to say about it!
It's pouring rain right now but I haven't got to blowin' yet so I haven't lost hope.
Well I've touched on the demons and downpours, now for the desires.
When I was younger I didn't care if I gave the best of myself to anyone because
I was the only one I thought mattered.
Now that I'm an adult and cherish all the relationships in my life, priorities
have changed.
Everything in me presses on to please the people I love.
Often that scares folks because I'm so ferocious with my feelings that it
completely controls me.
Whether or not they want something from me, I am gonna give them what
I have to offer with full force.
Yes, it's something I need to tackle and tame.
Sometimes I try so hard to please other people that I end up terrifying
them with my extended efforts.
That's partially what took place on Monday but it took me nearly three days to
see it, sorry, slow is me.
Well the water is boiling and I need to get to perogy pinching so I'll leave these
lines with a song that describes how I see myself some days.
Thanks for reading what's on my mind and may this day be a marvelous one for you!
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