The Ties That Bind.....

After spending a wonderful night at the movies with my Hubby Bub
and Sons, this morning finds me thinking of other branches in my family tree.
Since my Uncle passed away over a month ago all kinds of anger and
animosity are amongst those I love.
It has me wondering how we can help each other get over the
stranglehold of sadness. 

It worries me that at a time when we so desperately need to serve support
and sensitivity for each other we are actually destroying the very
foundations we've been formed on and so proudly come from.
I am using the word "we" not because any of the problems plaguing
the family right now pertain to me or mine directly but as a reference
to how close I've always considered us.
Like some of you reading, I come from a long line of love, people who
have helped mold me into who I am today.
Last night as we laughed at the movie I was taken back to my childhood
and magical memories made with my Father and Sister.
I also thought of all my Aunts, Uncles and Cousins, back in a time
when we saw each other daily, laughed often and occasionally had dust ups
over the silliest things, never lasted long but boy are we passionate people.
So it doesn't surprise me that steam is stifling from the stove we've all stewed on.
It does bother me that we aren't working together in solving this problem but
it's a very personal struggle for those involved so I gather that's why we on the
outside seem to feel so helpless.
Confused yet?....lol....I'll go on in a different direction so for to not mix up your
minds to much.

The best things I left that theater with last night were feelings of fun and forgiveness.
Two of the finer things in life that we all need to fill our lives with. I think it's a safe
say so to state that we need to forgive more than can be forgotten.
Have it be a loved one, yourself, a coworker, the past, the present....
As far as fun goes I am always on the look out for it and glad I shared a few
hours of some with my Sir's last night.
My hopes for this day are held in the hearts of those I love that are hurting now.
May they mend soon and be able to forgive and have fun with each other once
again in the near future.

Where's That Ark?......

It's raining here, pouring actually and tonight it's supposed to snow.
No I am not happy about this as I am a Summer sun Senorita but
I realize that no one can control the weather, I may have to
accept it but surely I won't embrace it! lol

Today I will spend the day making perogies for friends and family
but while I am enjoying my coffee I'm thinking of the days ahead.
This weekend my Sister and our families will be going on our annual
tree trimming trip.
For the last several years we spend a few days with our Aunt and Uncle
decorating their house for Christmas.
A wonderful tradition it's become and it's something we all look forward to.
I do need something to set me sunny like today.
You see, this day didn't start out so dandily.
There is rain coming in the house from several leaks in the back of our
roof and there is nothing we can do about it right now.
Does it do me any good to whine and complain about it?, no, yet that
is what this reads like, I know.
Actually, with the time it took to type this out I'm calmer now and can focus
on the day ahead and know that things could be worse.

Recently I exchanged e-mails with a family member who is very sick
and has more hardship to deal with in life than I have ever had.
This person has been optimistic in the disease they've been dealt and
has fought long and hard.
She inspires me in more ways than one to live in the light instead of
drowning in the dark.
It always amazes me just how much of an affect we can have on each
other, both good and bad.
The older I get the more I want to surround myself with people who
provoke the positive.
My Sister is an excellent example of that kind of person. I want to share one
of my favorite stories about her with you.
A few years back when we had a huge power outage through the province
she was living near some people who didn't have much in life.
You know, down on their luck families that can't afford to rob Peter to pay Paul.
Well my Sister took it upon herself to feed the entire neighborhood with the
contents from her cupboards.
She used her BBQ to fill all the hungry bellies and I beamed when she told
me of it a few days later.
Not everyone would step in and take charge like that but she's always been
that kind of person and people flock to be around her.
A smile spreader she is and I'm always in awe of what comes so naturally to her.

So on this day I will try and keep thoughts of her and others that always take the
high road in my head as I set off to get knee deep in dough!
Enjoy the remainder of this day and as always, thanks for reading
what's on my mind.

Early Morning Inspirations.....

Most every day starts the same way and this one was no different in it's beginning.
My eyes pop open and nature notifies me that I can't stay nestled
in the warmth of my bed.
I return to the comfort of my mattress with coffee in hand.
So far things are swell.
Reading is something I do a lot of and most mornings I spend a good
chunk of time reading online at various websites.
During a regular visit at one of the sites I saw posts that put a smile on
my face and filled my heart with fuzz.
Three lovely ladies in my life made me see just why I've always looked up to them.
Words of encouragement were left and started me off smiley in this day.

Then it happened.
I read say so's from a friend that brought yesterdays blog entry to mind
and instantly I felt surprised and sad.
Not because this person said anything to hurt me but that I was taken
aback by the words typed. They simply stated they have "No Regrets".
What in my "me" filled mind grounds makes me think that this person
would be posting in reference to my blog entry?
After getting a grip of my ego and emotions, I realized two things.
1. Maybe it has nothing to do with with me.
2. Maybe I should see the positive in this and look at it's excellent example.
I choose the second choice.
When I think of the things this friend has lived through and has overcome
the other side happy and always taking on new challenges in life, it makes
me kind of envious to read that they have "No Regrets".
I really can't say the same thing but someday hope to.
Some mornings I am not so optimistic but I'm happy to say, on this one I am.
It's not likely that I'll be adding another entry until Monday or so because of a
busy schedule here but I wanted to lay in lines that this past week was a good
one indeed and not for any remarkable reason.
For my friends and loved ones that have me feeling comfort from the kindness
they've always shown me, this ones for you!

Regrets......

From the moment I opened my eyes this morning I have been irritated.
I would like to blame it on the coming Christmas season and not having
enough money to buy gifts for everyone I love but I know better.
These feelings stem from something much more deeply seeded than any
upcoming holiday.
It rises up from regrets I have.
Last night before bedding down in search of slumber I was thinking
about things I should have done, things I have done and shouldn't have
and all the times that I gave up or failed.
Am I happy with myself and where I am in my life?, goodness no, not today anyway.
These feelings will pass and return, they always do.
After spitting some sourness at my Sons this morning and then feeling guilt for it
I decided to try typing my thoughts instead of carrying on so negatively.
Of course I have done this in the past by pushing a pen on paper but figured that
putting it out here publicly might be more productive.
We all have thoughts like these but how do we move on without being weighed
down by them?
This is what I'm manipulating in my mind grounds this morning.
Much like a dog with a bone, I get things in my head and have a hard time letting go.
Choices I've made haunt me and sometimes you just can't go back
and make things right.

I won't spend the day agonizing and analyzing every thought but I am doing so
now because I know it will help me be in a better place with this day I've been given.
We all need something to strive for and today I will try and reach for
a realm outside of regret.
Helping others and showing kindness always makes me feel good so I will
set my sights on that instead of beating myself senseless with the past.
Some fine friends posted something to me recently saying that I am
talented and well worded.
I sure am not feeling any of that at the moment but it makes me feel
good knowing that others can see what I am not always able to.
Thank you to those of you who see a sunnier side of me, it will help me get to a
sweeter place today.
I have a song in my head that I want to share with you, finely fitting it is. :)
May this day find you well and full of love for the lives you lead and
also, thanks for reading about what I'm feeling.

Traditions.....

Traditions, that's what's on my mind at the moment.
Today is the American Thanksgiving holiday and I'm thankful for all the
blessings bestowed upon me in the last 41 years of my life.
I've been gifted another day to play on this planet and I'm pondering ways
to make it a pleasant one.
Typing some thoughts here seemed like a good start.

While my Sister and I were growing up I remember our Thanksgiving's
being filled with fabulous family members and food that would find royalty envious.
My Meme and Aunt's were in  complete control when it came to the kitchen
and they were culinary queens.
One of our holiday traditions was that everyone was to arrive by 1pm
and if you were late, Louise wouldn't let you forget it.
The time and love these women put into meal preparation still amazes
me when I think about it.
Days before the actual gathering would take place they would work into the
wee hours of the night making sure everything was just right.
Once we were all together it was often chaotic but always so cool to be a part of .
The adults scrambling to find a seat and us kids selecting spaces on the floor.
It was a small one floor, three bedroom house we were raised in and there were
always more bodies than room to be had, just the way I like it!

Now that we are all grown with children of our own we don't
get together as often as we should.
Not sure why that is but it certainly is something I would like to see change.
Back then the adults made family gatherings happen no matter
how much hard work was to be had.
As the next generation we have things so much easier and yet
it seems we've slacked in the skills we've been shown.
I don't have much time today so this will stay short and sweet
but I do want to wish everyone well in this day and I hope it holds health and happiness for you all.

Memories.....

Memories, yup I'm filled with them at the start of this day.
Yesterday marked one month since my Uncle (Godfather) passed away.
It was just a few short weeks from the time we were told he had Cancer
until the day it killed him.
Several times since then my eyes leak over a simple memory of him and I
have no control over it.
Never have I been very good at containing any emotion and often wish I
could turn my flow of feelings off.
The Wife of almost 39 years that he left to live on without him, the four grown
Children and Grandchildren that will never again be able to enjoy his
company, just belts my blood pumper and makes me want to lash out at life!
I was there when he passed and will always be grateful that I could spend those
last few hours by his side with those I love but it seems so unfair.
That's it right there, the word that describes how we all feel when we have to
let go of a loved one....it's UNFAIR!
I often tell my children,"life is unfair and whoever told you otherwise, lied to you"
I want them to accept my words yet I can't seem to do the same.
Six years ago my Father was stolen by the same sickness but thankfully we
were given many years with him before having to say goodbye.

Lately I find myself questioning my actions and wonder if I'm a positive
presence in anyone's life.
No it's not a pity party on my part but more of a desire to change I gather.
The older I get the more concern I have over the love I give to others, do I offer
myself freely when someone needs something from me?
Can I accept them and understand what they struggle with?
Do I judge them and and act almighty when I disagree with them?
Of course the answers to theses questions change on any given
day, depending on my mood and I guess that's what I need to work on.
I truly believe that this day is a gift and if we are lucky in life then age gets us all!
After having my morning coffee and getting the kids ready for school, I find
myself finishing this entry and fueling the fire in my heart to face another day
which I am certain to fumble through.
My hopes are that I make good choices when it comes to others, that
kindness and consideration come easy to me.
If it doesn't then may I find forgiveness for myself, now that one is always tough!
I'm in need of some inspiration and often feel it in songs so I'll leave these lines
with one that makes me smile.

My First Entry.....

I have thought about doing this for quite some time now and finally I've decided 

to just dive into it.

For many years now I have been reading what others have to say in
Cyberspace and I no longer feel like staying silent.
I can't promise that any of you will enjoy or even be interested in what I 
have to say but I can guarantee you that I will be honest with the lines I lay here.
What should you know about me before reading what's on my mind?
I am passionate, emotional, silly and as you will see soon enough, I often play
with words in a way that makes others think if they understood what they just read.
I cherish the time I spend with my family and friends and am always looking for
new ways to show those I care about just how much they mean to me.
Music has been a life long friend and I'm sure you will read more about that in the days ahead.
This will be a short hello because I am leaving to see my 89 yr old Meme.
She dedicated years of her life to me and I don't want to miss a minute caring for
and being close to her.
Thanks for reading, I'll post again soon!