Regrets......

From the moment I opened my eyes this morning I have been irritated.
I would like to blame it on the coming Christmas season and not having
enough money to buy gifts for everyone I love but I know better.
These feelings stem from something much more deeply seeded than any
upcoming holiday.
It rises up from regrets I have.
Last night before bedding down in search of slumber I was thinking
about things I should have done, things I have done and shouldn't have
and all the times that I gave up or failed.
Am I happy with myself and where I am in my life?, goodness no, not today anyway.
These feelings will pass and return, they always do.
After spitting some sourness at my Sons this morning and then feeling guilt for it
I decided to try typing my thoughts instead of carrying on so negatively.
Of course I have done this in the past by pushing a pen on paper but figured that
putting it out here publicly might be more productive.
We all have thoughts like these but how do we move on without being weighed
down by them?
This is what I'm manipulating in my mind grounds this morning.
Much like a dog with a bone, I get things in my head and have a hard time letting go.
Choices I've made haunt me and sometimes you just can't go back
and make things right.

I won't spend the day agonizing and analyzing every thought but I am doing so
now because I know it will help me be in a better place with this day I've been given.
We all need something to strive for and today I will try and reach for
a realm outside of regret.
Helping others and showing kindness always makes me feel good so I will
set my sights on that instead of beating myself senseless with the past.
Some fine friends posted something to me recently saying that I am
talented and well worded.
I sure am not feeling any of that at the moment but it makes me feel
good knowing that others can see what I am not always able to.
Thank you to those of you who see a sunnier side of me, it will help me get to a
sweeter place today.
I have a song in my head that I want to share with you, finely fitting it is. :)
May this day find you well and full of love for the lives you lead and
also, thanks for reading about what I'm feeling.