Memories.....

Memories, yup I'm filled with them at the start of this day.
Yesterday marked one month since my Uncle (Godfather) passed away.
It was just a few short weeks from the time we were told he had Cancer
until the day it killed him.
Several times since then my eyes leak over a simple memory of him and I
have no control over it.
Never have I been very good at containing any emotion and often wish I
could turn my flow of feelings off.
The Wife of almost 39 years that he left to live on without him, the four grown
Children and Grandchildren that will never again be able to enjoy his
company, just belts my blood pumper and makes me want to lash out at life!
I was there when he passed and will always be grateful that I could spend those
last few hours by his side with those I love but it seems so unfair.
That's it right there, the word that describes how we all feel when we have to
let go of a loved one....it's UNFAIR!
I often tell my children,"life is unfair and whoever told you otherwise, lied to you"
I want them to accept my words yet I can't seem to do the same.
Six years ago my Father was stolen by the same sickness but thankfully we
were given many years with him before having to say goodbye.

Lately I find myself questioning my actions and wonder if I'm a positive
presence in anyone's life.
No it's not a pity party on my part but more of a desire to change I gather.
The older I get the more concern I have over the love I give to others, do I offer
myself freely when someone needs something from me?
Can I accept them and understand what they struggle with?
Do I judge them and and act almighty when I disagree with them?
Of course the answers to theses questions change on any given
day, depending on my mood and I guess that's what I need to work on.
I truly believe that this day is a gift and if we are lucky in life then age gets us all!
After having my morning coffee and getting the kids ready for school, I find
myself finishing this entry and fueling the fire in my heart to face another day
which I am certain to fumble through.
My hopes are that I make good choices when it comes to others, that
kindness and consideration come easy to me.
If it doesn't then may I find forgiveness for myself, now that one is always tough!
I'm in need of some inspiration and often feel it in songs so I'll leave these lines
with one that makes me smile.