Compound Coolness.....

That's what the think tank has been filled with since Wednesday night.
As I've mentioned in previous entries, we are arrowed into archery.
Wednesday night was my turn to shoot with our oldest Son and two
"firsts" took place.
1. Liam was "out  shot" by his old Mom.
2. I shot a compound bow!
Though I'm always happy when our children do well in anything, it
was nice to see improvement in my own efforts.
Though I am no Robin Hood I have hopes of being able to compete
in the future.
Until Wednesday, I was very much undecided on what kind of bow
I would buy when we are able to purchase one.
Now, there is no question about it.
I am going with a compound all the way! 

Before I slide anymore sentences here I just want to state that I am
in a well way today.
The last couple weeks have been hellish for me and I'm happy to have
a break from worry and woe.
I've now been clubbed by the Christmas Spirit and I'm glad it has a
hold on my heart.
This week I have spent time with three of my closest friends and it's
helped haul me from the hole I held myself in.
One gave me a ride home from the mall yesterday and I enjoyed having
a few minutes with her.
Just seeing her super smile and listening to what's being going on in her
world, did me dandily.
Another friend was kind enough to bring me to an ultra sound appointment
and came over for a few hours last Friday, we watched a movie and
feasted on Chinese food, always excellent to spend time with her.
Last night I had a long and lovely phone conversation with one of my
oldest friends.
We shared laughs, smiles, concern, questions, answers and a few frustrations.
I feel fabulously fortunate to have so many pleasant people in my life and
this morning finds me full of gratitude for them.
I'd also like to mention our first Christmas card this year.
Every year, faithfully, another old friend mails us seasonal sweet says.
I don't see this friend often and she never spells my name right even
after all these years but I love her anyway and it always pleases my
blood pumper to open that card.
Thank you to all of my friends and family, living life would be worthless
without all of you!

I'm sure everyone is aware of 12/12/12 that took place this week.
It held special meaning for me.
A friend/family member that I care completely about and have prayed
for constantly, turned forty two.
She wasn't certain that she would live to see it but she has and even though
I know she struggled with persistent, never ending pain, she sported a smile
and slung sunshine through cyberspace, words can't express how much
I love this woman.
If I could describe her in only one sentence so you all could understand
what I'm getting at, it would be, she lives life like taking a bull by the horns.
My one Christmas wish this year is that she is given many more years
to live out life in just that way.

Well this day is going on and I have things I need to do in it so I'll
leave the lines here and lay a couple pictures until my return.
In the one picture is our youngest "arrowing up".
In the second, a way back when pic of one of the friends I mentioned above.
Thanks for reading what's in the mind grounds and may this day deliver
decency to us all   :)

As Long As I'm Singing.....

That right there is a sure sign of whether things are good or bad with me.
If I'm singing, all is wonderful, if I'm not then you can be certain
I'm not in a well way and may need help getting back to beautiful again.
There aren't many positive things I can state about myself .
However, at the end of a few rough days, I can say that I am a person
who cares about people and I have no problem asking or offering help 
when needed.

I started this entry late last night and was to tired to type on so I'm
continuing it now.
Yesterday went well enough and we were happy to have some dinner
guests join us.
I didn't make anything extravagant, lasagna hamburger helper, mashed potatoes
(by request), steamed broccoli and beet & spinach salad.
We enjoyed the meal and each others company.
Today is the birthday of one of our guests from last night and I sure was
happy to be able to spend some time with her right before her big day.
Happy Birthday Space!, you helped brighten my day.

This morning I'm struggling my way out of a sad state.
Usually I don't dare offer an entry when I'm in such a low way but I've
been battling these emotions on and off for a few days and figured it was
time to due something about it.
My Sis helped me turn the light on and as always, I'm indebted to
her optimism.
To give you an idea of just how ugly I had become, here is what I posted
in cyberspace earlier.
"Moon Beam Gerene has the nails and hammer in hand and
is hard at work."
A friend asked what I was building?, I was so tempted to reply "I'm building the perfect beast" but didn't.
Maybe I should have, nah, this is a better way to get it out.
I was in fact in the middle of complete self crucifixion, hence the nails
and hammer crack.
Told ya I was ugly and that right there is proof of it!
In this moment I have my mind wrapped around something my Sis said
while we spoke on the phone.
"Come on Ger, you said this has been going on for three days, cheer up!,
we'll be there soon and we will have fun"
She's right, she's always right and I'm grateful to have her and so many
other smart, sweet, souls surround me.
Now why the hell am I swimming in sadness for?
I have more than I can use in life, always have what I need to survive and
am able to move freely.
Sometimes I believe I need a good slugging.
Tonight the boys and I will be making homemade pizza and then playing cards.
Today I am going to tend to some duties around here and go back to reading
The Spellman Files.
Maybe if motivation finds me I'll even get out on my bike. :)

Well I've done what I needed to do here so I'll leave you with a swell
song that has the same name as the title of this entry.
Thanks for reading what's been muddling around the mind grounds.
May this day deliver us kind and helpful to each other.
P.S Sorry there were no good links for the song on youtube. 

As Long As I'm Singing.....





.

One Month From Today.....

One month from today will mark another passing of Christmas on the calendar.
A sad day for some and for others a joyful time of year.
When Boxing Day comes along it means only one thing to me, five more
months until The May 2-4 weekend and the kick off of Summer.
That's right!, there is just no bad time to start thinking about the speedy season.
Though I haven't yet been clutched in Christmas's clench, I am looking forward
to being with all my loved ones on Jesus's big day.
I'm also anxious to give our Son's their gifts, I'd love to share what they are but
my oldest occasionally has eyes on my entries here so silent I must stay.
I will say, tonight we go pick up our youngest Son's gift and hopefully he'll be as
happy receiving it as we are to be giving it.

I've really nothing very exciting or life changing to tell you of but that suits me swelly.
I know that isn't a word but this is my blog and I'll toss about the letters, how I like.  :P
Things have been going fairly fine and I can't complain, sometimes I still do though.
Something took place this morning that I'd like to share with you.
It wasn't remarkable in any way but it's still sticking with me so I must pass
along it's pleasantries.
Who doesn't like sharing smiles?
As my two Son's and I were in the hustle and bustle of this morning, my oldest
told me of a book that will hopefully be chosen to read next, at school.
He started off by saying "Uhm ya, so Mom, the next book we may be reading is
Flowers For...." but he couldn't recall the last word.
I instantly knew what novel he referred to and he could tell that he held all
of my attention.
As some or more likely, most of you know, this is a well known work by
Daniel Keyes, later made into a marvelous movie.
Flowers For Algernon was indeed a wonderful read.
I won't get into the grit of it but I'll state that's it's always been a favorite of mine.
He asked me what it was about but I refused to offer him an ounce on any of it.
I'd rather build his excitement and offer continued interest when he starts reading it.
It was a nice moment and my youngest Son even joined in on the conversation
repeating his Brothers question and telling me again about the book his is reading with his class.
The Mouse And The Motorcycle, apparently another classic.
I'll have to give that one a look see, soon.
Ahhh a few moments we were all wonderful in!
That doesn't always happen when two or more very different souls take up
space with each other.
Anyway, what was I going to type on about next?
Oh ya, archery!
We arrowed up last night, well the two boys and I did, Hubby Bub will have his
turn to "shoot em up" on Wednesday.
It was a good night and even though I was "out shot" by our oldest Son, I enjoyed
the evening and love doing this with them.

A couple of emotional rain clouds have clobbered some of us since I last
slung sentences here but I'll not go into further mention of them because
I'm not about to dissect or destroy my decent mood.
I will state that I'm looking forward to many things in the next few weeks,
hopefully seeing or speaking with some of you.
My Sister is already planning Christmas Eve and I must admit that I'm also anxious
to be with everyone again.
Can't hardly wait for the Christmas chaos moments, those are like gravy to me.
Spending time with my Sons while Hubby goes hunting is also something I can't wait
to do, cooking, playing cards, eating popcorn and watching movies will hopefully
be enjoyed by us all.
Making Perogies for my Hubby Bub's trip is in my near future and I always
enjoy making him a meal to share with everyone.
As I have most times I type, music plays on in the background.
One song specifically strikes sunshine in me so I must end this entry by sharing
it with you, it could be my favorite from Mr Clapton.
Thank you for reading what's on my mind grounds and may kindness clobber
you when you least expect it! 

Leave The Light On.....

I constantly have to remind myself to do this when leaving unanswered
questions and truly trying thoughts in the think tank.
I'm having one of those days where if I linger to long in the mind grounds,
misery will make it's way in this day and I refuse to let that happen.
So, I'm choosing to do something more constructive instead.
Housework was also an option but I'm just not motivated enough for that
at the moment, laying lines here will help me get to the housework, later.  

This past weekend found our flock of families together at our Aunt
and Uncle's house.
Every year for the last several, my Sis and I collect our crews to spend
the weekend with our loved ones and help them decorate for Christmas.
It was a wonderful one and I'll remember it for some pretty good reasons.
First and foremost, I must make mention of all of our offspring's awesome behavior.
Take a bow, kids, you made good choices and because of that you'll get
praise from me!
It was fabulous being with everyone and our time together sped by way
to quickly for my liking.
Even the two hour car ride getting there was comical, chaotic but comical.
I know that I've went on about my Sis and her family before but it really does
deserve repeating here.

My Sis is one of those people who brightens any room just by being in
it but she's also always equipped with extra light bulbs.  :)
Her, my Brother-In-Law, Nephew and Niece were kind, considerate, funny
and very generous.
I was impressed with everyone this weekend and even our Sons were well
with each other.
That's not a frequent thing to find so you darn right I'm gonna compliment them for it.
Good job guys, Mommy noticed and I'm sure everyone else did too.

We returned to our hometown on Sunday morning with time to spare in attending
our youngest Son's hockey game.
They lost but it was wonderful that so many people came to watch him play.
My Step-Father was there along with my Sis and her crew, my Godchild,
two Cousins and our Uncle.
Afterwards we were all treated to lunch and though I was feeling fine when we left
the rink, soon things would slide sourly for me.
Never one to let selfishness shine I started in sternly on our youngest Son's
behavior after the game.
Aidn is a brick wall when it comes to arguing and was happy to go a round
or two with me.
I won't get into the ugly of it here but I will say that I was the one who ended
up getting stung by it.
At the restaurant it seemed like most everyone was angered with someone else.
It got to me and I refused to eat.
That's right folks, my forty-two years of experience in this planet we play on
looked like only two in a few short minutes.
I was miffed that so many of us were complaining, pissing and whining about this
or that woe when we were all being given a gracious gift.
I explained to my Sis why I was upset after everyone ate and I apologized for my
attitude but felt I had to take a stand.
The only one that it ended up affecting was me.
Yup, poor choices, I still make many of em but someday hope to make less.

Later that day we took our Son's and a Cousin to archery.
The two kids shot first then while my Hubby Bub brought the young ones home,
Liam and I stayed for the adult shoot.
We enjoyed it and though I'm not doing as well as I had hoped, patience I'm trying to
have with myself.
The best of this so far has being seeing my Son's take an interest in something that
was once a big part of my life.
I wasn't able to shoot a "bullseye" but I'm determined and get excited when
the kids arrow em.
Well I think this is wordly enough, for now so I'll leave these lines with a
few photos from our weekend away.
Thanks for reading what's in my mind grounds and may you be happy
and well in this day.
I am and thank the big guy along with those that love me, for it.

 

Forty-Two Is The New Twenty-Two......

Well it is, I'm just saying.
Actually I'm sporting a super smile while sliding sentences here in cyberspace.
This is a mighty fine way to empty the think tank so I'm gonna be an Author of
opportunity and offer up my thoughts on the titled subject.

As many of you know and wished me well for, yesterday was my forty-second
birthday and it went down in the book of my life as a beautiful one.
It didn't have material gifts but that's fine for me as I have more than
I use and need, always.
What my day did hold was heaps of happiness in the words and actions of others.
I know those are wishy, washy, willow words but that's just winded ole me.
From the kind comments, phone calls and all around well wishes to the wonderful
words my Sister offered me, right down to the delicious, time consuming dinner
my helpful Husband made, it was a marvelous day!
I love birthdays and can only recall one really bad one and that was my fault.
It's funny thinking back to that day, five year old little me ruined my own party
with bad behavior.
I've destroyed great days many times for that very same reason, somethings time
never changes, haha.
Anyway, we should all be celebrated in special ways on our big day and I sure was.
Thank you to all of you who had a hand in my happiness, I'm still holding on
to it today.

I'm well and in a wonderful way nestled cross legged in "the nest" this morning,
thinking about one of the best friends I ever had the pleasure of laughing, loving
and living with.
Pepe Gene was the first "best friend" in my  life and more than thirty-five years
later he still lives on in smiles, memories and the love he left us with.
Though the Big Guy came for him at the young age of fifty-four, thankfully he
left me many wonderful people to form friendships and fine feelings for.
My Father was also a very close friend to me as is my Aunt and Sister.
Add those together with the few handfuls of other related & unrelated folks
that I share a bond with and it amounts to me, one lucky soul.
I just answered the phone only to hear more birthday greetings from a  few
forgetful Fella's close to my  blood pumper.
I don't care when they wish me well, I'm just happy they bother to at all.

Well my oldest will be home for lunch soon and I want to fix him the homemade
soup I stirred up.
I'll leave you with one of the last family pictures Pepe Gene was ever in and
one of him and us kids shortly before his death, I'm the one sitting on the floor
and he's holding my Cousin Brandon.
I was the flower girl at  this wedding but wasn't in this shot, was probably
throwing a two year old tantrum somewhere.
I recall having a few that day.....hehehe, sorry Aunt Pam, must have been
maddening dealing with that on your "Bride Day".
P.S peeps, Pepe's the one with the bow tie.
Thanks for reading what's on my mind grounds and I hope this day is a
happy one for you all.

November Niceness.....

That's what's on my mind at the moment.
Though it's a nippy morning, I'm happy to be reporting from my nice warm nest.
I know it's been a few weeks since my last entry, I tend to do everything slower
in the cold snap of this season.
Wait until Winter hits, I may turn even more turtley.
Since I last left lines here many good moments have made their way into my life.
I'll share a few with you.
Our oldest Son spent time helping out at my Sisters and I was peacock proud
when she told me of how helpful he was, especially when she spoke of some
senior souls they spent time with. I'm always on my boys about kindness and
consideration and how it benefits everyone. God job Goose!
Our youngest is hugely happy to be playing hockey and continues to get extremely
excited for Saturday and Sunday skating times.
They won their game last week and it's always an awesome feeling seeing the
people I love happy.
Our Cousin came out of her surgery well and I was thankful for that most certainly
but being asked to spend time with her before and after was wonderful, indeed!
Seeing anyone I love suffer is tough stuff to swallow and always inspires me to
try harder at everything I do.
Of course I still stumble and frequently fall flat but I always bounce back.
Last night we went to see Meme and she was well enough at the start of our
visit but by the end of it we were both weepy.
She was in terrible pain and I could do nothing to stop it, man that hurts!
We emotionally expressed much love for each other and here I type, still touched
by those moments we shared.
Anyone who knows us can tell you how different we once felt, I love that my
blood pumper pounds proudly with pleasantries over my Memeness now.

Today marks the sixty-sixth birthday of a special to me soul.
Who just so happens to be a regular reader of my blog, thanks Crawdad!
I do hope this day is a dandily one for you, my friend.
One of my best buds who is also my Aunt and Godmother, turns sixty-six soon.
Hopefully I can do something sweetly for them both.
As for me?, I'll be forty-two next week.
It flies and it's gaining speed with each year, time is what I'm talking about
and I'm determined to spend it smiling more and eye leaking less.
I know, I know, for weepy willow me it's always an effort but definitely one
worth making.
There is something else I'm uppity over.
On Sunday, Hubby Bub, our Sons, our Cousin and myself will attempt archery.
This excites me because it's something I was once involved in.
I'm nervous though as it's a public shoot and I'm uncertain what to expect.
Have I mentioned that it's been over twenty-five years since my hands
have held a bow?, I can feel them shaking now and I never do well with
eyes of strangers on me.
It'll be fine, I know, just a bit trembling is me.

Well I think that's linely enough for now, my belly is making hunger sounds and will
no longer settle for the cold coffee I've been sipping on.
I'll add my first photo and a song.
It was one I loved back then and still sounds good after all these years.
I can't tell you how many times I played the "Control" album but I went
through two cassette tapes and an LP of it, that's love, man.
Thanks for reading what's on my mind and may this day find you in
a feeling good way!

Choices.....

Hello everyone! (waving)
I must apologize for my lack of lines lately, I have no excuse.
It's probably just  another poor choice on my part but there really hasn't
been much to tell you about.
Not much until now, that is.
In the couple weeks that have passed since my last blog entry, life has been
well enough and even wonderful at times.
Our Sons have settled into their school schedule, my Husband is offering
efforts of excellence at work and I am enjoying spending more time
with people that mean the most to me.

Early this morning my Husband woke me in his friendly familiar way as I laid still
and pretended to be sleeping, grumbling something about the early hour, I inched
out of the nest to answer nature's call.
A few moments later I returned to the welcome of it's warmth after deciding
that 5:30am was far to early for us to take on the day.
Sadly, when we woke for a second time and were ready to leave, our vehicle
had other plans and remains lifeless in the driveway.
A busy day we were to be into by now but everything waits on whether
or not the van will start.
I've put off writing a blog entry more than once in the last couple weeks so I
figured now might be just the right time to empty the think tank.

Earlier this week a dear close friend of mine stopped by for a visit and it was
wonderful to see her smiling face again.
She had been out to breakfast with some folks and decided to
come and see me all the way on the other side of town, when she was done.
That may not seem like much to some people but it means mountains
to me, especially when you consider the gas prices lately.
I feel so special when anyone makes an effort for me but when
I've been included in someones day off, like I was on Monday, it's extra special.
Thank you for always making an effort for me my friend, it never goes unnoticed.

Yesterday my plans were also tossed to the wind, I was to be helping
another friend at her house but major health problems prevented us
from getting the work done.
I decided to do a few things around here instead and started reading a
new book along with doing some online surfing.
While I was visiting a few favorite music sites and frolicking on facebook,
I started reading of a young lady that took her own life this week, then I saw
the video that was sparking all the cyber speaks about her.
Madness and miserable memories filled my mind and heart.
Of course I can't know why she made that very last choice to end her own life,
I can only imagine that her pain was just to great to carry on and that she felt completely hopeless.
Something I am sure many of you have felt, like I have.
As I sat staring at the screen my think tank traveled back to a time in
my life where I too was bullied and made to feel like nothing more than a failure in life.
Oh the utter ugliness of those years passed!, I can't tell you how happy it makes
me knowing that I don't have to live that twice.

Today I had a little chat with our oldest Son about the young lady I read
of and what his feelings were when he learned of her last choice.
He told me that it made him terribly sad and that he has also felt bullied many times.
I asked him what has stopped him from making that final choice?, he replied,
"Not to sound mean or anything Mom but I want to prove them all wrong".
Though it tugs at my blood pumper knowing he has felt such depths of despair,
I know it's part of growing up for most people and I'm proud that he has fight in
him to live on through those moments.
I shared with him something that I never have before.
Though it was uncomfortable, I told him about how I spent a few months in the
hospital when I was a bit younger than him because I tried to end my own life.
He didn't seem shocked by this news tidbit but didn't act as if he expected it either.
I praised him for not choosing the way I did in dealing with those ferocious feelings
and stated my pride over the person he is.

Suicide is a subject that remains close to my heart and often makes
it's way through the mind grounds.
Why does life get to heavy to handle for some, to the point where
only one choice can be seen?
I'm grateful and humbled to say that I certainly see more than one
option in my life now and pray that my enjoyment and desire for living it
continues on in the remainder of my days.
I'd be lying if I tried to sell you a speech about never feeling that sad anymore
so I won't bother, instead I'll type the truth and tell you that when I feel deflated,
damaged and not fit for this world, I reach out to others and always get what I
need in bringing me back to the good that surrounds me.
It's part of the reason why I get so much from giving of myself and
offering it to others.
My thoughts linger on about that young lady and many other people
who've made their very last choice in life.
My prayer here is much the same as with other social yet personal issues,
may we learn to be more helpful and less hurtful with each other.
What can make one person try harder and want to succeed in life can
just as easily damage and even destroy another one's desire to live on at all.
The words "Speak softly, forgive frequently and love largely" come to mind.

Well that's deep enough for me, I'm certain you feel the same way by now.
I'll leave these lines with a song that brings the above mentioned to mind.
It just seems fitting somehow.
As always, thank you for taking the time in your day to read what's on my mind.
May the one we're in be good in more ways than bad.