Forty-Two Is The New Twenty-Two......

Well it is, I'm just saying.
Actually I'm sporting a super smile while sliding sentences here in cyberspace.
This is a mighty fine way to empty the think tank so I'm gonna be an Author of
opportunity and offer up my thoughts on the titled subject.

As many of you know and wished me well for, yesterday was my forty-second
birthday and it went down in the book of my life as a beautiful one.
It didn't have material gifts but that's fine for me as I have more than
I use and need, always.
What my day did hold was heaps of happiness in the words and actions of others.
I know those are wishy, washy, willow words but that's just winded ole me.
From the kind comments, phone calls and all around well wishes to the wonderful
words my Sister offered me, right down to the delicious, time consuming dinner
my helpful Husband made, it was a marvelous day!
I love birthdays and can only recall one really bad one and that was my fault.
It's funny thinking back to that day, five year old little me ruined my own party
with bad behavior.
I've destroyed great days many times for that very same reason, somethings time
never changes, haha.
Anyway, we should all be celebrated in special ways on our big day and I sure was.
Thank you to all of you who had a hand in my happiness, I'm still holding on
to it today.

I'm well and in a wonderful way nestled cross legged in "the nest" this morning,
thinking about one of the best friends I ever had the pleasure of laughing, loving
and living with.
Pepe Gene was the first "best friend" in my  life and more than thirty-five years
later he still lives on in smiles, memories and the love he left us with.
Though the Big Guy came for him at the young age of fifty-four, thankfully he
left me many wonderful people to form friendships and fine feelings for.
My Father was also a very close friend to me as is my Aunt and Sister.
Add those together with the few handfuls of other related & unrelated folks
that I share a bond with and it amounts to me, one lucky soul.
I just answered the phone only to hear more birthday greetings from a  few
forgetful Fella's close to my  blood pumper.
I don't care when they wish me well, I'm just happy they bother to at all.

Well my oldest will be home for lunch soon and I want to fix him the homemade
soup I stirred up.
I'll leave you with one of the last family pictures Pepe Gene was ever in and
one of him and us kids shortly before his death, I'm the one sitting on the floor
and he's holding my Cousin Brandon.
I was the flower girl at  this wedding but wasn't in this shot, was probably
throwing a two year old tantrum somewhere.
I recall having a few that day.....hehehe, sorry Aunt Pam, must have been
maddening dealing with that on your "Bride Day".
P.S peeps, Pepe's the one with the bow tie.
Thanks for reading what's on my mind grounds and I hope this day is a
happy one for you all.

November Niceness.....

That's what's on my mind at the moment.
Though it's a nippy morning, I'm happy to be reporting from my nice warm nest.
I know it's been a few weeks since my last entry, I tend to do everything slower
in the cold snap of this season.
Wait until Winter hits, I may turn even more turtley.
Since I last left lines here many good moments have made their way into my life.
I'll share a few with you.
Our oldest Son spent time helping out at my Sisters and I was peacock proud
when she told me of how helpful he was, especially when she spoke of some
senior souls they spent time with. I'm always on my boys about kindness and
consideration and how it benefits everyone. God job Goose!
Our youngest is hugely happy to be playing hockey and continues to get extremely
excited for Saturday and Sunday skating times.
They won their game last week and it's always an awesome feeling seeing the
people I love happy.
Our Cousin came out of her surgery well and I was thankful for that most certainly
but being asked to spend time with her before and after was wonderful, indeed!
Seeing anyone I love suffer is tough stuff to swallow and always inspires me to
try harder at everything I do.
Of course I still stumble and frequently fall flat but I always bounce back.
Last night we went to see Meme and she was well enough at the start of our
visit but by the end of it we were both weepy.
She was in terrible pain and I could do nothing to stop it, man that hurts!
We emotionally expressed much love for each other and here I type, still touched
by those moments we shared.
Anyone who knows us can tell you how different we once felt, I love that my
blood pumper pounds proudly with pleasantries over my Memeness now.

Today marks the sixty-sixth birthday of a special to me soul.
Who just so happens to be a regular reader of my blog, thanks Crawdad!
I do hope this day is a dandily one for you, my friend.
One of my best buds who is also my Aunt and Godmother, turns sixty-six soon.
Hopefully I can do something sweetly for them both.
As for me?, I'll be forty-two next week.
It flies and it's gaining speed with each year, time is what I'm talking about
and I'm determined to spend it smiling more and eye leaking less.
I know, I know, for weepy willow me it's always an effort but definitely one
worth making.
There is something else I'm uppity over.
On Sunday, Hubby Bub, our Sons, our Cousin and myself will attempt archery.
This excites me because it's something I was once involved in.
I'm nervous though as it's a public shoot and I'm uncertain what to expect.
Have I mentioned that it's been over twenty-five years since my hands
have held a bow?, I can feel them shaking now and I never do well with
eyes of strangers on me.
It'll be fine, I know, just a bit trembling is me.

Well I think that's linely enough for now, my belly is making hunger sounds and will
no longer settle for the cold coffee I've been sipping on.
I'll add my first photo and a song.
It was one I loved back then and still sounds good after all these years.
I can't tell you how many times I played the "Control" album but I went
through two cassette tapes and an LP of it, that's love, man.
Thanks for reading what's on my mind and may this day find you in
a feeling good way!

Choices.....

Hello everyone! (waving)
I must apologize for my lack of lines lately, I have no excuse.
It's probably just  another poor choice on my part but there really hasn't
been much to tell you about.
Not much until now, that is.
In the couple weeks that have passed since my last blog entry, life has been
well enough and even wonderful at times.
Our Sons have settled into their school schedule, my Husband is offering
efforts of excellence at work and I am enjoying spending more time
with people that mean the most to me.

Early this morning my Husband woke me in his friendly familiar way as I laid still
and pretended to be sleeping, grumbling something about the early hour, I inched
out of the nest to answer nature's call.
A few moments later I returned to the welcome of it's warmth after deciding
that 5:30am was far to early for us to take on the day.
Sadly, when we woke for a second time and were ready to leave, our vehicle
had other plans and remains lifeless in the driveway.
A busy day we were to be into by now but everything waits on whether
or not the van will start.
I've put off writing a blog entry more than once in the last couple weeks so I
figured now might be just the right time to empty the think tank.

Earlier this week a dear close friend of mine stopped by for a visit and it was
wonderful to see her smiling face again.
She had been out to breakfast with some folks and decided to
come and see me all the way on the other side of town, when she was done.
That may not seem like much to some people but it means mountains
to me, especially when you consider the gas prices lately.
I feel so special when anyone makes an effort for me but when
I've been included in someones day off, like I was on Monday, it's extra special.
Thank you for always making an effort for me my friend, it never goes unnoticed.

Yesterday my plans were also tossed to the wind, I was to be helping
another friend at her house but major health problems prevented us
from getting the work done.
I decided to do a few things around here instead and started reading a
new book along with doing some online surfing.
While I was visiting a few favorite music sites and frolicking on facebook,
I started reading of a young lady that took her own life this week, then I saw
the video that was sparking all the cyber speaks about her.
Madness and miserable memories filled my mind and heart.
Of course I can't know why she made that very last choice to end her own life,
I can only imagine that her pain was just to great to carry on and that she felt completely hopeless.
Something I am sure many of you have felt, like I have.
As I sat staring at the screen my think tank traveled back to a time in
my life where I too was bullied and made to feel like nothing more than a failure in life.
Oh the utter ugliness of those years passed!, I can't tell you how happy it makes
me knowing that I don't have to live that twice.

Today I had a little chat with our oldest Son about the young lady I read
of and what his feelings were when he learned of her last choice.
He told me that it made him terribly sad and that he has also felt bullied many times.
I asked him what has stopped him from making that final choice?, he replied,
"Not to sound mean or anything Mom but I want to prove them all wrong".
Though it tugs at my blood pumper knowing he has felt such depths of despair,
I know it's part of growing up for most people and I'm proud that he has fight in
him to live on through those moments.
I shared with him something that I never have before.
Though it was uncomfortable, I told him about how I spent a few months in the
hospital when I was a bit younger than him because I tried to end my own life.
He didn't seem shocked by this news tidbit but didn't act as if he expected it either.
I praised him for not choosing the way I did in dealing with those ferocious feelings
and stated my pride over the person he is.

Suicide is a subject that remains close to my heart and often makes
it's way through the mind grounds.
Why does life get to heavy to handle for some, to the point where
only one choice can be seen?
I'm grateful and humbled to say that I certainly see more than one
option in my life now and pray that my enjoyment and desire for living it
continues on in the remainder of my days.
I'd be lying if I tried to sell you a speech about never feeling that sad anymore
so I won't bother, instead I'll type the truth and tell you that when I feel deflated,
damaged and not fit for this world, I reach out to others and always get what I
need in bringing me back to the good that surrounds me.
It's part of the reason why I get so much from giving of myself and
offering it to others.
My thoughts linger on about that young lady and many other people
who've made their very last choice in life.
My prayer here is much the same as with other social yet personal issues,
may we learn to be more helpful and less hurtful with each other.
What can make one person try harder and want to succeed in life can
just as easily damage and even destroy another one's desire to live on at all.
The words "Speak softly, forgive frequently and love largely" come to mind.

Well that's deep enough for me, I'm certain you feel the same way by now.
I'll leave these lines with a song that brings the above mentioned to mind.
It just seems fitting somehow.
As always, thank you for taking the time in your day to read what's on my mind.
May the one we're in be good in more ways than bad. 

Live Every Moment.....

I'm not telling anyone what to do but those sure are wonderful words to live
by, aren't they?
They just so happen to be lyrics and the song title to one of my favorites from
REO Speedwagon.
Today I'm in a well way and figured it was about time for another entry.

I was hoping to be out and about in this day by now but things change
and here I sit, sliding sentences for all to see.
I'm trying to remain optimistic even though Winter is right around the corner
and Fall's frigid fingers have had me freezing my fandango off more than
once so far.
After Winter, Fall is my least favorite season.
Everything outside dies and makes way for Winter's return, Brrrrr!, the thought
of that season sends icicles down my spine!
Not wanting to think about that anymore I'll change lanes in lines here and
tell you of some more soothing things for me.

Hockey season is upon us and by the looks of things in the NHL, our Son's
Atom league might be the only stick handling we see.
He's only been in a few weeks now but he sure is loving it!
I can't express the joy it brings me when I see any of my pack-of-penises
take part and pleasure in something they love.
Yes, that includes my Husband's excitement for his upcoming deer hunting trip.
I do complain about it on occasion but it really does me dandily to see
how much he dives into it.
Our oldest is leaving this weekend with my Mom to help out my Sis and as
always, he is beyond excited.
In just over a month it will be my 42nd big day and though I have not the first clue
on how I will be celebrating it, I'll be happy if I get to it, alive and well like today.

I'm gonna leave this one short and sweet because there are a few things I need
to tend to around here but I'll add the song that inspires my mood and today's entry.
Thank you for reading what's on my mind grounds and I hope this day is a good one for you!

Socks Or No Socks?......

Socks or no socks?, that is the question.
Well at the moment it is and to wear socks, won.
Though it's been cooler for the last couple weeks, I haven't needed to sport socks.
The day started as most others around here with one new thing I noticed.
Nippely air surrounded the nest I was so nice and warm in.
Though I wanted nothing more than to linger on in sweet slumber, the island
sound of the song "Jump Right In" rang from the alarm.
Time to wake up and I was ever anxious to dive into the day.

I've been spending some time with a wonderful woman and today
we planned on enjoying each others company once again.
Once I made breakfast for the boys and sent them off to school, I landed
my large load in front of the computer to listen to music and read.
I was ready to leave at 8:30 am and was looking forward to the laughter
and long talks we always seem to share.
Things don't always go as planned and today was no exception.
You see, my friend is fighting a field full of huge health hardships and she
sent me an e-mail early this morning, letting me know she wouldn't be
able to make it.
Her leg was sore and she wouldn't be doing much in this day.
My heart sunk knowing she was still in pain.
Yesterday it was really giving her grief and I prayed that her pain would ease or pass.
For the past eight years this fine, funny, female has been battling pancreatic cancer.
Yup, probably the one folks fear most.
My mind races thinking of how hard most days must be for her and others
that struggle on in sickness.
Diabetes, heart problems and a host of other health heaps, weigh down
her every day.
Still, she smiles, jokes and lives on in the most gracious, generous and compassionate ways. 

I'm not gonna spend another single second typing about the disease
that does it's best to keep her down.
No way on my "Hell No!" highway will I give that more energy than what
it's taken from her.
Instead, I will make mention of all the wonderfulness that is this woman I speak of.
Where should I start?
I'll tell you about the first time I remember meeting my friend who
is also a family member.
Though I don't recall the exact day, month or year, it was at her fundraiser
and my Mother-In-Law asked us to join her.
I do believe our Son Aidn was still in a stroller.
Many years would pass before our paths would cross again.
Though I didn't see her through the years, I always wondered how
she was doing in life.
I knew she was married with children and often prayed that the Big Guy
would gift her many years with her loved ones.

That's where Cyberspace and the beauty of blogs came in.
While reading my Sister-In-Law's wall at facebook I spotted our Cousin and
a link to her blog.
I  started reading all the entries and enjoyed every one, a natural talent for a way
with words is hers and I still look forward to reading anything she has to say.
One day while I was deep and dark with the demons of myself, she reached out to
me and offered kindness and concern.
She'll never know what those simple gifts gave to me.
Since then we have spent more time together and are learning about each other.
It's very much a relationship of give and take but I always seem to be getting much
more than I'm giving.
Well that's how it feels to me, anyway.
How I'd like to clone her and few other fine folks I know so the world could be filled
with more helpful, humble humans.
Have I mentioned how blessed I feel today?, well I sure do and plan on hanging
on to this feeling for as longs as it flows.

My oldest Son just came in for lunch so I must say so long for now.
Thanks for reading what's on my mind and may this day find you in a well way.
I'm gonna leave a song that always seems fitting when I'm full of feelings for others.
One last thing, I'd like to ask any of you Lord lovers out there to  please offer up
a prayer for my friend's well health and happiness, thank you so much!

I Can't Know.....

"I can't know" is three little words I frequently use and today it applies to more
than one thought in the think tank.

Though I'm certain I don't have to mention what meaning is held in today, I will here
because it's been on my mind all morning.
How can eleven years have passed since that day of such demise?
I don't dare type the three numbers that are associated with these 24 hours,
for fear I will spend the rest of this gifted day in eye leaks.
I'd rather choose to live lively in it!, enjoying every single person and thing around me.
My mind wanders off to the faceless family and friends of those who lost their lives
on that mournful morning.
How their hearts must ache on this day.
Leaving the nest earlier, I was in a very sad way for reasons other than the one mentioned above.
It didn't take me long to turn it around though, a few words of encouragement
and concern from a couple of friends along with realizing what I needed to do,
did the trick.
Now, sitting back in the nest, happy and giving thanks for all I have in life I'm in a
better place to type from my heart (and mind grounds)   :)
Also, I'd like to add that "I Can't Know" why such hatred and greed exist in
the world but I refuse to let it stop me from seeing the sweetness in what
life has to offer.

Back to the title at hand.
It's birth came from the mouth of my young Cousin one day while I was
babysitting him.
Though I don't recall the specific question I called upon him to answer, his reply
was simply stated, "I can't know, Aunt Ger"
I knew instantly that what he meant to say was, "I don't know" but for whatever
reason, that's not what he said.
For a year or so after that he always said "I can't know" when he didn't know the answer to a question.
It's still something many of us say when we don't know an answer to a question
and it cracks me up whenever I hear a loved one reference him by speaking it.
That, my friends, is a simple pleasure and I plan on taking part in many of them today.

Keeping with the flow of feelings here I want to share some of my yesterday
with all of you.
A Cousin on my Mom's side has recently moved here from "Out West" and
I was invited over for a visit.
Beyond beautiful the day was and we enjoyed catching up on each others lives.
Only one thing bummed me out, the "bugging me biggley" buzzing bees!
They were everywhere and we couldn't get away from them no matter where we
tried to bench our backsides.
Not a chance on my "Hell No!" highway would I let them ruin the marvelous
moments we had and it was truly a treat to see my Cousin and her Daughter
happy and doing well.

Well time is going by much to quickly and I have things to do so I'll say
Sayonara, so long and see ya later, for now.
Thanks for reading what's on my mind and may this day be marvelous, if
only because we're in it.   :)


 

Sealed With A Kiss.....

I feel as though I haven't blogged in months but it's only been a couple
weeks since my last entry.
This morning as I made my way from the nest, the song in this title was
playing in my mind.
It's always reminded me of Summer's end and every year when the kids
return to school I can be found humming it's tune.
Many things do I have to share with you here so I'll get right to it.

First off, I'd like to let you all know that my Aunt passed away on Aug 28th.
One day shy of her 71st birthday.
My Sis, her kids, my Hubby Bub and our children were all in Michigan when
she left this life but we were happy to put our vacation on hold so we could
come back to comfort our Mother and say our final goodbye.
We decided it would be best if my Husband stayed back while just Julie and I
go to the viewing.
This way, the kids could still enjoy the day while my Sis and I made our way
back to Windsor.
We planned on stopping in to see our Meme's Sister, Aunt Marce who is
now in a nursing home.
I'm so glad we found the time to follow through because I hadn't seen
her in a year and my Sister states several years have passed since she last
laid eyes on her.
Aunt Marce was always a very kind and gentle soul and I'm happy to say that
she still is, even though she may not remember so well.
As you may have already guessed, she has Alzheimer's and didn't remember
us when we entered her room.
Last year she knew who my children, Husband and I were, this year, not so much.
It was sad but we had a lovely visit and she truly was happy to have the company.
Over and over she told us of how her and her siblings had to be in bed by 9pm
every night in the Summer and my Sis and I could tell how it must have
peeved her plenty back then.
We had to laugh when she commented about the cute male staff and how
she didn't mind spending her days looking at them. 
Aunt Marce has always been a sparkle in my life and I'm happy that we were
able to see her again.

Before I go any further in this entry I want tell you about a special guest that
joined us on August 28th for her birthday.
Our Cousin who is always busy and bustling about, just so happened to be free
and by the grace of our Aunt and Uncle's hospitality, she was able to spend the
night with us!
The pleasure was all ours and she cracked us all up with her comical ways.
Every time she would say  "Oh shut the front door!" in place of a well known
swearing sentence, I would laugh out loud.
My Sister made butter chicken for her birthday dinner and we had a very nice night.
Thank you Cousin for choosing to spend your big day with us, we had a blast!

The week away flew by and though we had a terrific time, I just wish we could
find a way to make our visits linger on longer.
We ate like royalty and enjoyed every ounce of sunshine we were given, only one
day of rain, if I recall correctly.
During our stay there were a few scuffles, mainly due to my own stupidity and
stubbornness but I'm happy to report that no one lost an eye in any war of words.
The days were warm and wonderful while the nights were relaxing as we relished
the quite time after the children went to bed.
A perfect pleasure it was to witness and bask in the Blue Moon on Aug 31st.
Any of you that know me well can testify to the love I have for that
celestial sweet sight!

Another bright spot in our time away was having a childhood friend stop
by with her three Sons for a visit.
My Sister hadn't seen her in at least twenty years, it's been over five for me.
Superb it was hearing all about her family and sharing smiles and laughter
with her again.
Very  much like my Sister is this woman, beautiful, bright and spreading
sunshine wherever she goes!
We spoke of getting together next year for a weekend and I do hope that happens.
Much time in our younger years did we spend with her family and I miss seeing them
on a regular basis.

I really must be going but before I do there is one more thing I'd like to
share with all of you.
The end of my Summer for the last couple of years has been our Aunt and Uncle's
Polish Luau Labour Day party.
My oldest Son and I have attended and helped out and this year we were pleased
to be invited back.
I love spending time talking with my Uncle's side of the family, I didn't know any
of them growing up so they are all new smiles to me.
They were very welcoming and warm with Liam and I and just like last year, we
worked hard to make everyone comfortable and content.
One of their guests was a Bridesmaid at their wedding and I was tickled when
I heard she and her Husband would be joining the party.
I remember very clearly how Maureen ended my crying at my Aunt and Uncle's
wedding when I was five years old.
No way on my "Hell No Highway" did I want to walk up that aisle alone and
wished only to be next to Maureen all day.
Seeing her again brought back a flood of those fine feelings and we shared many
kisses and hugs at the party.
She kept saying how my smile hasn't changed and how much she loved seeing
the things she had in common with my oldest Son.
It was wonderful to see everyone and felt so good at the end of the day
to know that we helped make it beautiful for everyone.
Often I feel useless and worthless because of my issues with self esteem
but I never feel like that when I am helping others.
Thank you to everyone who helped me have a very happy vacation, two in
one Summer is beyond sweet!

I'll leave these lines with a song titled the same as my above entry and a few
pictures from our travels.
Thanks for reading whats on my mind and may this day be going your way!